Not So Perfect

1

"Ryan please don't leave me" i call out on the verge of tears
"I have to Emma" he says with no remorse in his voice whatsoever

i sigh a deep breathe trying to hold back my tears this lump in my throat making it harder for me to breathe

i look around the empty living room filled with so many worthless memories

"just go emma please don't make this harder then it has to be" he looks away in shame

it's no use he doesn't care anymore he's tired of caring for me he's leaving me to a whole other state and there's nothing i can do to stop him

i turn to walk away i need to see Elliot i walk down the long empty hall way to the front door as i walk out i feel a weight has been lifted off my chest

me and Ryan have been drifting apart for months now i thought i could fix us but you can't make someone love you

i walk down the dark street wishing my life wasn't so damn hectic. i stop infront of the oh so familiar 2 story house i walk up the stairs the front door and knock

"Elliot" i stare at the tired boy Infront of me he rubs his eyes and looks at me with such sorrow in those bright green eyes

"c'mere" like a routine he pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around my shoulders and just holds me

my mom always told me that she hopes one day somebody holds me for 20 minutes straight without looking at me or trying to kiss me or try's to talk just holds me because they care not for there own selfishness

that's what Elliot did every time i'd come knocking on his door at 4 in the morning crying my eyes out because Ryan hurt me again whether i'd be physically or mentally my mom should be so proud i mentally roll my eyes at the thought of my mother telling me i told you so she never liked ryan and she always tried to put me down for being with him honestly don't blame her anymore

he pulls away and looks at me he forces a smile and pulls me to the couch we sit there in silence until i have the courage to speak

"he left" i squeeze my eyes shut "i know it's for the best i know he stopped loving me but i-" he interrupts me

"emmy baby i know you thought he loved you but he didn't he never stopped loving you because he never did if he did he wouldn't have put you in all this pain" he says with so much care in his voice as he rubs my back

he's right love isn't supposed to hurt love shouldn't be this painful love shouldn't tear you apart love shouldn't break you down until you can't feel anything and your just numb. then just leave like it's nothing.

i fidget with my thumbs as i try to breathe

"let's get some rest okay?" Elliot forces a smile on his perfect narrow face i smile at him "why do you put up with me" his smile fades and i look up at him wishing i didn't ask that "because i love you emmy and i care about you so much" he kisses my forehead

" let's go to bed" i nod at him he grabs my hand and leads me to his room he quickly shuts his door and whips out his phone "it's 4 in the morning we have school tomorrow" he says i'm annoyed for voice mostly to himself

i stand in front of his dresser "i'm sorry" i look down he laughs
"get over here and lay down and go to sleep before i make you" he pats the spot beside him i roll my eyes and jump in bed with him he turns off the lamp and pulls me close to him and wraps his arm around my stomach and kisses my cheek

"it's going to be okay emmy get some rest" i nod and feel myself drift off to sleep

what would i do without this boy

***********

"WAKE UP EMMY" i groan as Elliot violently shakes me awake i sit up

"IM UP ELLIOT" i scream back at him he walks away confidently i throw the covers off of me
yeah what would i do with out this boy

i force myself into the bathroom i gasp as i look at myself in the mirror my hair is a wreck my eyes are puffy from crying and my nose is red

"ELLIOT WHAT TIME IS IT" i scream as i open the bathroom door
"7:30" he yells back and i sigh in relief i have 2 hours to get my shit together laugh at myself

i sometimes wonder if anyone would like me if they saw me like this i shake away the thought and begin to wash my face
crap i don't have a straightener. wait. i walk out of the bathroom and into savanna's old room i look in her top drawer. yess i knew she wouldn't take this crappy old thing i take it back into Elliot's bathroom and straighten my hair after i'm done i check the time 8 good.

"El i need clothes" i stand in the doorway of the kitchen and watch as shirtless Elliot shoves Cereal into his mouth he finishes chewing and walks towards the laundry room pulls out a pair of my skinny jeans and one of his plain white t-shirt as throws them at me i catch them i start to walk away

but i find myself staring at Elliot how did i end up being best friends with this boy 11 years ago we met and i don't know how he still puts up with me

"Em hurrryyy we gonna be late" Elliot whines i roll my eyes and walk away

*******

as we pull up to school i see Archibald standing in the corner of the building by the trash cans i look at Elliot who's texting away on his phone i know i promised i'd stop but i need some
i look back at Archie then to Elliot

fuck it.

"do you think i could have 10 bucks for lunch" i smile at him as he looks up and smiles back "sure princess" he takes out his wallet and hands me a ten
"thank you i'm gonna go and meet up with Cassie" i open the door and climb out not even waiting on his response

i walk slowly towards Archie and as i approach him he gives me a big smile and tilts his head

"long time no see Em" he smirks "Archibald" i nod at him
"what you want. i got hydros and addy i got a couple bars but that'll cost extra cause i got to get more and don't have enough money right now to get more and they're my best seller-"i cut him off he always rambles on about his problems i laugh
"i only have 50 i want some blow you got any" i look back at Elliot's truck to make sure he doesn't see me but he's not in it
so i look back at Archie

"Ohh Ryan can't get you none from his little dealers so you comin to me"he says jokingly i roll my eyes "Ryan left me" i say with no emotion and look at the ground
"oh i'm sorry em i was just playing, but yeah i got you just give me the 50 and i'll give two hydros and some addy with it i know you love your adderall" he says while digging in his pocket and pulling out three tiny bags i hand him my money as he hands me my drugs "thanks Archie" i walk into the school just as the first bell rings

****

ayoo i really don't know how this story is going to end up but i hope y'all like it
xoxo han