𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

iv. THIRD-WHEELING

"The cops think that she ran away." Nancy says and Icarus snorts. "They thought I killed her or kidnapped her.." He says as he lightly brushed his fingertips over his bottom lip, deep in thought. "They don't know Barb.." Nancy says as she still was in disbelief over the fact they, of all people, thought her best friend would run away. "Or me.." Icarus mumbles. "And I went back to Steve's.. And I thought I.. saw something." Nancy says and Icarus looks at her right away. "Some.. weird man. Or.. I don't know what it was." She says as she let out a deep breath. Jonathan stays quiet.

Icarus sent a look his way, then looked at Nancy who spoke, "I'm sorry." She says and then grabbed her bag. "I.. I shouldn't have come here today. I'm.." She stood up and glanced at Icarus once before looking at Jonathan. "I'm so sorry." She says before walking away but Jonathan spoke up. "What'd he look like?" He asked, looking at her and she stopped, looking back at them both.

"What?" She says and Icarus looks at Jonathan. "This man you saw in the woods. What'd he look like?" Jonathan asked and Nancy looks down. "I-I don't know," she stammered in response. "It was almost like he.. He didn't have a—" "didn't have a face?" Jonathan asked her and she looks at him skeptically then looked at Icarus. "How did you know that?" She asked and Jonathan looks at Icarus, who also wondered the same thing.

In the red room at their school, Icarus stayed leaning against the wall on the other side of the small room as Jonathan did his technical stuff, Nancy standing by him. "And you're.." She says as she watched him intently. "Brightening. Enlarging." Jonathan says and Icarus walks over.

"Hmm.. Did your mom say anything else?" Nancy asked as Jonathan lowly grunts, continuing to do his magical photography crap. "Like, um, where it might have gone to, or.." Nancy says as Icarus watched Jonathan. "No. Just that it came out of the wall." The brunette says, talking about the weird creature or man his mom saw in the livingroom of their home. The machine dings then Jonathan puts the paper into water, letting it float before lifting the tray, tilting it slightly to the side.

"How long does this take?" Nancy asked and Icarus glances at her. "Not long." Jonathan says before he sets the tray down. "Have you been.. doing this a while?" Nancy asked and Jonathan looks at her. "What?" He asks and Icarus snorts. "Porn. What do you think? She means photography." He says and Jonathan looks at him.

"Well.. Yeah, I guess I'd rather observe people than, you know.." Jonathan says before looking at Nancy. Icarus looks between them with raised eyebrows as Nancy answered, "talk to them." She looks at him and Icarus smirks slightly.

"I know. It's weird." Jonathan says as he looks away. "No!" Nancy says in objection as Icarus rolls his eyes. "It is." He says making Jonathan look at him. "Yeah, it is.. It's just, sometimes.. people don't really say what they're really thinking." He says and he did have a point, Icarus looks down as he thinks of the time with Steve. When he lied to his face. "But you capture the right moment.. it says more." He says before looking at Nancy with a smile.

"What was I saying?" Nancy asked in a tone that sounded so flirty to Icarus. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Since when did I get stuck with fucking third-wheeling? Especially with the most awkward dude at their school and the suburban raised girl. Icarus rolled his eyes as he thought this.

"What?" Jonathan asked with confusion. "When you took my picture." Nancy says and Icarus snickers. "I shouldn't have taken that. I'm, uh.. I'm sorry." Jonathan says before looking at Nancy. "It's just—" "That's it." Nancy cut off Jonathan as she looks at the photo the other two teens look at right away as well. "That's what I saw."

Icarus stared at the faceless creature on the photo, his eyebrows furrowed. "My mom.. I thought she was crazy because she said.. that's not Will's body. That he's alive." Jonathan says and Icarus looks up. "If he's alive—" "Then so is Barbara." Nancy said as she looks up, looking at him then at Jonathan a few inches away from her own face.

When Icarus got home, supper was ready and he's surprised by this as he sits down at the table, facing his parents. "Where's.. Riley..?" He trailed off and Mary looks up. "Oh, uh.. I think she went to Megan's, her friend's. Megan Duchamp.." She says with a smile and Icarus nods. "So.. um.. are you cutting my hair, then?" He says as he looks down and Mary sighs, looking at Matthew.

"No.. I'm sorry you heard that the other day, baby.." She says and Icarus glanced up. "My hair's staying?" He asked in disbelief and Mary nods. "I won't ever cut your hair, son, unless you want me to." Matthew said then reached over to his head. He ruffles his hair and he sighs, pushing his dad's hand away but smiled at him anyway. "I love your hair, bud." He says and Icarus looks at Mary.

"It's what makes you you. It's like your usual look." She says and he smiles more widely. "Whatever, stop being mushy." He says before lifting up his fork. Matthew chuckles, "you love it." Mary said with a wide smile as she lifts up his fork as well before they all started to eat.

He rolls his eyes as he glanced up at them again, still smiling. He loves his parents. After supper with his mom and dad, Icarus headed upstairs to his bedroom where he did his homework. Or at least tried to. But all he could think of was what Jonathan said today. People don't really say what they're really thinking. He thinks of when he stood in front of Steve in his bedroom. Jonathan was so right. He should've just been honest with Steve.

But it was for the better. If he said what he was thinking, he'd only be putting him and Steve at risk. Even thinking of them romantically felt wrong, he tries to stop thinking about it but he couldn't help it. He thinks of kissing Steve, he thinks of acting the way how a straight couple would act. He covered his face as he thought more about it, imagining him and Steve going on dates, kissing whenever they feel like it or just being together in general.

"Stop. Stop.. Stop it." He whispers to himself. "Seriously, dude. Fucking stop. It's not right. It was never right.. You're fucked up. You're fucked up for even thinking it would ever be okay. It isn't.." He whispered more lowly as he covered his head with his hands. "Fuck!" He shouted then slammed his hands down onto the desk. He stared at the desk, realizing he shouted. Tears dropped onto the papers on his desk as his mother walked in.

"Honey?" She says, now standing by him. He turns to her, looking up with those tear filled eyes. "Oh, honey.." She whispers and he wraps his arms around her waist. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as she held him close to her. "Are you okay?" She whispered, wanting to know but he didn't speak. He just weeped silently as she tried to calm him down, wiping away his tears.

authors note kinda wanna cry because i felt like icarus one point in my life?? like, feeling like it's wrong to like the same sex. because i know my mom would never accept me and it hurts knowing that.. i asked her, how she would react if any of us, my siblings or i, were to ever come out as gay, and she said straight to my face that she would kick me or my sibling out, if we ever did. and well, that shit Hurted™️ because I'm bi. so.. yeah.