The Oblivion State

A big, red smile was plastered over the young girl's mouth as she sang a beautiful melody. Her green irises were light and happy, and her tousled brown hair was flowing in the wind. An aura of joyfulness was surrounding her, almost as if she were glowing. Her knee length, yellow sundress flowed around her fragile and innocent body like a halo. She let her feet soak in the soft grass and she felt the morning dew run over her toes. The image was perfect, magnificent. It was an image of a young girl who was happy.

I was once her.

I would not have known what color the grass was if my mother had not told me as a girl. I would not have known if it were a yellow dress if my sister hadn't told me as she picked it out. I would have never known this type of picture perfect scene if I had not read the Braille in my book. I had been blind since I was a baby, but I was still happy. I went to the school for the blind and there I felt normal.

A year ago I lost touch of pain, of feeling. I was fifteen when I got leprosy. The doctors could not treat my condition. The only thing I had relied on was my hearing. I could have heard my mother's enchanting voice telling me where I was; I couldn't have felt her hand guiding me, but I knew it was there.

The last words I ever heard were that  leprosy was killing my hearing.

I had heard footsteps coming towards me. My ears had perked up as I heard the doctor’s grumbling voice.

“Ms. Myrtle, I have a bad piece of news for you.” At those words, my heart sunk. I took a deep breath as I steadied my emotions. What else could be so horrible as to ruin my life? I opened my mouth to speak,

            “Yes, Doctor?” I had said in my calmest tone, trying to create a relaxed atmosphere. This was a very hard to task, for I could tell Doctor was as tense as a rock.

            “Ms. Myrtle, your hearing is fading and I conclude it is the leprosy. Now I understand this is hard to take in but…” The doctor kept rambling on but I lay still. Slowly I felt my heart shatter. The world I had thought I was building up was falling apart and I let it. I let it crumble around me; my ears were ringing with the sound of defeat.  I had no more strength to hold up my world and so I let it cocoon me, and everything I thought I understood, didn’t make sense anymore.

 

             The day after those words were spoken, I was sucked into a dark abyss of emptiness. I couldn’t form tears because I couldn't feel. I couldn't move around, speak, or even see. All I did was think and wish. I remembered my younger sister's beautiful voice reading me stories; I remembered my mother clacking pots and pans together as she tried to cook. I would remember the smoothness of the wood in my old house. I now lived in a hospital, as I had for many months. I had moved in January 1920.

I tried hard to feel anything around me, as I did everyday, but to no avail. The only thing that had ever kept me sane was my hearing, and now that was gone. I tried to resurface or try to escape the empty darkness that was my mind, but it never worked. My mother had once told me that I could only ever try and change the things in my power, but I had to accept the things that weren’t in my power.