How Could I Lose You Too // RUEL

8. Did you hear?

is Jonah OK? I type.

He's okay now. I put him to sleep. Aunt Meryl replies.

why did he have a panic attack?

They were asked to draw their families in class. It's not like we could do anything, right?

so you're sure he's OK now?

Yes, now pay attention in class. Stop texting your Aunt Meryl.

"Ms. Farrell, this is your first warning," my English teacher, Mr. Gilmore, warns me.

"Sorry, sir," I say, nodding and putting my phone away. "It won't happen again."

Jonah had another panic attack at school and Aunt Meryl had to get out of work to fetch him from school. I turn my phone off, my fist clenching with worry. Jonah hasn't had panic attacks since a month ago and it's coming back. The anniversary of that night is coming and I can tell Jonah is expecting it to come too, as much as I am. Aunt Meryl worries she can't do anything about it. I feel the weight in me grow larger and larger until I feel sick.

"You're not going to barf on me, are you?" Sonya asks, jokingly.

Sonya is probably my favourite person from Amanda's group of friends. She doesn't conceal anything except her annoyance with her friends sometimes. And we click. Surprisingly, despite being in that group, she's absolutely down to earth and plus, she helps me with my homework.

"What?" I ask, turning.

"You went three shades paler in three seconds. Do you really not like Mr. Gatsby that much?" she jokes again.

I sigh. "He does annoy me in the beginning of the book."

"He's a bit of a-" she makes an O shape with her hand and move it around her mouth, her tongue sticking her cheek in and out to show as if she's giving someone a hand job.

"A cocky shit, yeah," I laugh.

"So, what's up? You've been texting half the time since class started," she says, elbowing me.

"It's really nothing. Just problems with my little brother, that's all," I say, shaking my head. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Those questions on the board. And read passage eight-"

"Psst!" We both hear someone say and we turn around. It's Amanda and Jing Xi on their phones. Amanda's perfect mascara-ed eyelashes bat towards Sonya and she shows her phone.

"My dad's giving us free passes to the Deuce," Amanda whispers. A couple of people around us gasp and turn towards her. "What the hell are you trolls looking at?" They huff and turn around in bitterness.

"Again?" Sonya moans. "We went twice two weekend straight. I have piano lessons on Saturdays."

"Don't be such a party pooper," Amanda says, rolling her eyes. "But you cannot believe who is performing this weekend. Dad did so much to get him to perform because I told him I wanted him to."

"Justin Bieber was so 2016," Jing Xi sighs, filing her nails.

"Not him, you nitwit," Amanda says, taking her nail file and placing it on to the table. Jing Xi gives Amanda a look. "Fucking Ruel!" Amanda squeals in a whisper. A couple of girls in our class raise their heads and start making a ruckus. Now, she has my attention.

Did I hear that right? How often is a baby named Ruel right? It can't be the Ruel--the one I can't keep my mind off. It just can't be. Against so many odds, how could it be? He did come in a shady bus. Maybe it was a tour bus? How can I be sure? He did have the looks to be a celebrity. But now I'm just being shallow and biased. All these thoughts rush through my mind like cascading waterfalls.

"Ms. Misner, that's detention for using profanity in class," Mr. Gilmore says. Amanda can't be bothered to reply him and continues anyway.

Sonya turns around and groans. Amanda says, "Guys, we have to go. They say people from the audience are getting picked to see him backstage! Of course, I asked dad and he's getting us the pass. Just you wait!"

"Wait, are you serious? Ruel's performing and we get to meet him?"

"Who's Ruel?" I ask Sonya in a whisper.

"It's this singer that Amanda apparently has a throbbing crush on. Basically, she once sat near him on an airplane and now she thinks they're fated to be together," Sonya whispers back, giggling.

I doubt this Ruel is the Ruel that I'm thinking about. Like what are the odds? They're always against me. I can't raise my hopes too high. I know I'll be disappointed anyway.

"How come I've never heard of him before?"

"Oh, he's just rising to fame. Apparently, he's big in Japan," Sonya sips on her coffee. "And you, Miss, also live under a rock. Maybe that's why."

I give her a playful push. "Ha-ha."

"I'm getting sick of the Deuce, if I'm being honest with you," she says, shaking her head. "Amanda's dad co-funds the thing so we've been going since it's opened."

"So are you going?"

"Amanda wants, Amanda gets."