Once (Harry Styles)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Something I've always struggled with is the ability to forget about things. I cling to them and claw at the cracks in the foundation until I've hung on so tightly that there's nothing left. I've ruined it.

I hold on to my anger and my snarky insults because it's easy. I hold onto my friends because I need them. I squeeze onto any happiness I can find because, well, I want to feel happy. It's good, because it means I know what's important and I don't give up easily. I'm a stubborn chit, in case you haven't noticed. 

But it's both a strength and a weakness, people forget that a lot. It's weakness becomes sometimes, later on down the line, I realize I've I hung on to the wrong things. Sometimes, you just need to accept the fact that whatever you're holding on to for dear life isn't worth it. Sometimes, you just have to let go.

*****

My conversation with Avery kept me thinking about Harry. Even more than I already had been, anyway. She had left a few days prior, and we were on our way out as well. It really was coming to an end. Even though she was gone, though, her words rang through my mind over and over like church bells. I couldn't do anything to stop how I felt about Harry, and neither could anybody else. And it was up to me to decide whether or not to fight for it. Only me.

I was pretty sure that Harry was. Lizzie was right, he was the only person that could get me to feel anything. Look at me! I was a blubbering mess since I figured out I liked him. He didn't let me get away with bullshit and he lifted me up when I started to fall down in a way only he could. I wasn't going to find anybody else like him. I knew that, now. 

But I still wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to be the reason he was miserable and I didn't know if I was the one that was right for him. It didn't feel like it would be okay to risk it all and try to take him away from Charlie. The girl was my friend, in the end.

So, I did the only thing I could think of to make some sense of this situation. I called him.

"Hello?" his voice sounded like he had just woken up, a tone I knew well. I could just see him sprawled out in his bed now.

"Hey, Zach."

"Ally?" I could practically picture him there, rubbing his eyes and trying to figure out the reason of why the girl he dumped was calling him weeks later. I mean, I would be confused too.

My head nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah." His voice brought me back to the few short, sweet memories I had of him. Waking up together in the morning to head to Uni, nights at the pub around the corner. There was a certain fondness to them, for me, anyway. I wasn't really sure how he was feeling. 

But at least he had the decency to still speak to me. "How are you?" he asked as the sounds of his feet pattering across the floor were heard through the phone.

"Fine." I bit my thumbnail before continuing. "I need to ask you something." My heart was racing in anticipation. Not going to lie, I was halfway surprised he hadn't already hung up the phone.

"Um, okay. Shoot." I could only imagine what was going through his mind at the current moment. This wasn't exactly a normal encounter with your ex, but I also wasn't a normal ex. 

"Why did you leave?"

Zach choked on whatever he was drinking. Probably orange juice from the carton, he tended to do that in the morning. "Excuse me?"

"Why did you leave?" I repeated. "I need to know," I said firmly. I was in no mood to take crap or for small talk. No shit Ally was back; I had missed her.