Spotatology

Hello Bloomies!!

You're probably wondering what the heck Spotatology is, but it is not a real thing. I was at a birthday party and this fake ology was created. It's a mixture of a potato and spud.

This is just a random thing I typed up and I did it for laughs. I don't care if you don't vote, but it'd be awesome if you did :D

So here are the rules, let me know if you laughed!

SPOTATOLOGY

1.    Know what type you own-a potato or spud.

2.    Wash and disinfect your spotato. They have angry bacteria.

3.    Be careful as (if) you cut the spotato, it might scream at you and that isn’t any fun.

4.    Your spotato will tell you what to put on him/her. Butter or cheese. Never both.

5.    Spotatoes are sensitive, so be kind to them so they will let you eat them.

6.    Always buy spotatoes together. If you take them away from their family, you have committed a terrible crime. The Spud Enforcement will lock you up for 5 years.

7.    Listen to your spotato. It might give you great life advice. (Mine said, “A man walks into a bar. Stop there, your alcoholic ways aren’t going to get you anywhere.”)

8.    The difference between a spud and a potato is that a spud has 4 letters, and a potato has 6. Remember.

9.    Your spotato will have requirements, like where to sleep and such.  Food is also necessary.

10.         Spotatoes are very low on their self-esteem. Cheer them up and they will compromise.

11.         Spotatoes will always be generous in the end, even if you do end up with a brown eye.

12.         Never eat a spotato right away. They will still be alive in your stomach and gnaw on you from time to time.

13.         Spotatoes are SUPERSTITIOUS. Do not tell them about how ghosts aren’t real, or the number 13 kicks butt.

14.         Spotatoes hate surprises. If you surprise them, they are likely to cut off your arm, with the knife they keep on them at all times, out of pure instinct.

15.         Spotatoes enjoy fondue. Enough said.

16.         A spotato is always prepared. Just be careful when cutting one open….

17.         Spotatoes are likely to be unpredictable. One moment they might be talking about bunnies, the next about ruling the world with their SAPA (Spuds And Potatoes Army).

18.         A spotato can love; you just have to treat it right.

19.         Never trust a spotato. Ever.

20.         Always expect a spotato to be ready for a knife. It may or may not try to be a ninja spotato and run away. Because trust me, it will.

21.         Ninja spotatoes can be awkward warthogs.

22.         Be cautious of spotatoes at night when they ask (from the fridge) if they can go to the cemetery. They might summon the devil.

23.         Never follow the ways of asdf’s character did. (“Die potato.” He got run over by a train. “Die potato.” The potato looked up and said, “Not today.” And shot him. >80 )

24.         Celebrate your spotatoes birthday! If you last that long…

25.         Enjoy the presence of your spotato. They have feelings you know.

26.         If your spotato is sitting on your couch, do not sit next to them. Especially if they’re watching Law & Order.

27.         Never turn off the TV when your spotato is watching it. Not unless you want to have your bed floating in the river when you’re sleeping.

28.         Never read Edgar Allen Poe to your spotato, nor James Patterson. Because nobody wants a winged spotato.

29.         Give your spotato a mini tree for Christmas, or you will be the tree.

30.         Never tell “In Soviet, Russia” jokes to your spotato. They might say, “In Soviet, Russia, potatoes (or spuds) put butter on YOU!” and smother you.

31.         Potty train your spotato. I’m warning you….

32.         NEVER let your spotato drive, no matter how many times they bribe you. It’s not worth it.

33.         Spotatoes get angry if you don’t take them to carnivals. Cotton candy is their weakness.

34.         Ignore Rule 16-don’t even get a knife.

35.         Umbrellas=pain. Just sayin’.

36.         If you are having problems with your spotato, come see Dr. Holmes. She knows what’s wrong with it. She always knows. She’s a professional. She knows what she’s doing. Most of the time.

Resources: Claire Olivia Holmes’s Superior Intellect, a force that is not to be reckoned with. Because all of us know that Chad is in South America.

Thanks for reading!!!