Violated

I rubbed the chalk block against my grips and then smacked my hands together. My body was tired  and shaky from all the bar routines I have missed and the thought of having to make four more routines made my knees feel like they were going to collapse. Every time I do a routine I miss my bail which is a transfer from the high bar to the low bar. Even though when I'm just practicing, I nail this skill every single time. The time is limited to fix this problem because in two days I have my first competition for my gymnastics season.

I stepped onto the spring board. Swinging my arms back and then I jumped towards the low bar. I kipped onto the bar, casted to handstand and then did a half turn, planed down so I could do any other kip, and then into a squat on. Then it's the jump to the high bar, another kip, another cast half turn, and then swing down.

My body tightens up when I'm preparing for my bail. I let go of the bar and while I'm in the air I do a half turn. "I better make this." I thought to myself. My hands wrapped around the bar and my legs stayed up so I was in a handstand. My muscles tightened as my body wiggled back and forth trying to make it over. Once again I fell the wrong way.

On my way down to the blue mat, I let a growl escape the back of my lips. I stick the landing like the other million times that I have missed this stupid skill. I was about to storm off towards the chalk tray, but my coach Zack called for me to come to him.

I spun around on my heel and slowly walked over to Coach Zack with my head hanging low. From his perspective I probably looked like a beaten puppy dog. He was standing on a small strip of floor that was between the set of bars that I'm on and a foam bit for a high beam. He had his arm crossed at his waist which made his muscles bulge from his t-shirt. It's been almost 8 years since he has done gymnastics which makes him now almost 30 years old, but he still has his gymnastics tone body because of his regulatory workout sessions that he does with us.

I stood about two feet away from his side so we were both facing the bars. He untangled his arms and let them hang loosely at his sides. In front of me my teammate, Leah, had started her bar routine. Zack smiled at me and then he lifts his arm around my shoulders. He squeezed my shoulder and pulled me closer to his side. With him being about five inches taller than me, my head pressed into his ribs.

My teammates and I are used to this kind of interaction with our Coach because he does it so often. Also that he almost always ends up having to spot us on every move we are going to throw. He probably touched my hips more than another guy I have ever known. Even though in the past months it seems like he has been embracing me more than any of my other teammates. This is probably because of my problems with self-confidence which is probably that I am the oldest of my teammates and that everyone else has skill that are harder than mine.

He looked down at me and said," Relax. This skill is not life; your life will be perfectly okay if you don't make it a few times." He paused for a second to see Leah stick her dismount which finishes a perfect routine. "I don't want you to worry about the number of routines you make okay. I want you to keep going until I tell you to stop." I squeeze me closer to his side. "You try harder than any of these other gymnasts and I can see you try to perfect everything you do. I want you to forget about being perfect and just swing bars like you do during practices." I give him a small smile and try to hold back my tears. "You love gymnastics right?"

I looked up to him and told him in a soft voice," Of course."

He gave me a big smile and then said," Then you better put a smile on like you like what you're doing or I'm going to throw you into the pit which will make you even more tired than you already are." He then turned me around while you squeezed me middle of my back giving me a hug. I let my head rest on his chest and relaxed my body and let the hug take the stress away. After a few seconds he let go of me and then patted me on the back. "Just go swing some bars."