One: Big Night Out

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Six months isn’t a long relationship for normal people, but Len and I weren’t normal people. We were Mormons. For our kind, it was a courtship long enough to be respectable, but not so long that it looked hopeless. Six months was a terrible oversight on my part. One minute I’d agreed to go with the guy on a pity date, and now here I was, being taken on a Big Night Out by the nerdiest loser I’d ever met.  What was even worse? I let him take me out on this date. Whether this was out of pity for him or myself, I couldn’t say.

Said date was at a steakhouse. As we walked in, Len held open the heavy, wooden door for me, which had been stained dark and shellacked with a layer of varnish. Odd the details I noticed as I tried to avert my attention from him. His worn slacks, with threads that brushed the tops of his not exactly formal shoes cut a sharp contrast with the warm and luxurious interior of the restaurant. His shirt was threadbare, but he’d ironed it, at least, which meant he’d made a real effort, and he vibrated with nervousness. His gaze darted here then there, not resting anywhere for more than a second, and his fingers drummed against his leg. I’d never seen him do that before.

“Reservation for two, Leonard Hodge,” he told the hostess.

She ran a perfectly manicured nail down the seating chart and blinked in surprise. “Table outside? Under the awning?”

“With the outdoor heaters.” Len nodded. It wasn’t raining at the moment, but clouds hid the late evening sun. And this was Portland, Oregon, so an awning and heaters were no doubt a permanent feature of the outdoor table.

I didn’t even know this place had an outdoor table. It was the most expensive steakhouse in the neighborhood, not a place I dined often, but Len had said he wanted to make this evening, “Something special.”

I’d spent almost as much time on my makeup that evening as I had on the last painting I’d done on commission. Nothing looked or felt right, so I’d washed my face and started over again and again. I didn’t want to look overdone, but I had to hide the puffiness under my gray-green eyes and my sunken cheeks from a sleepless night, and I had to draw attention away from my mouth, as I knew I’d scowl no matter how hard I tried not to. My hair was a mouse brown that wasn’t dark enough to be dramatic or light enough to be notable, but it curled just right and was easy to style. I’d pinned it up in an elegant twist.

The waitress picked up two padded leather menus from her podium and led us through the restaurant and out the back door onto a covered porch, decorated with some potted plants and fruit trees, and a table with two chairs and two long candles burning away, shedding their muted gold light on the dark tablecloth and white china dishes.

Len pulled out my chair for me, and I did my best to compose myself as I sat down. I smoothed my hands down my blouse and skirt, crossed my ankles, and tucked my feet under my chair.

The hostess laid the menus in front of us and slipped back into the restaurant.

“Sooo,” said Len. He took the seat opposite me. From the determined look in his eyes, I could see that he wasn’t going to wait until after the meal.

I squared my shoulders. I could do this. I’d turned down proposals before from guys way better looking and more enthusiastic than Len.

“I- look, you know how I feel about you. These last six months have been unreal, just... yeah, unreal.” Eloquent he wasn’t. “So, I think we should stop seeing each other.”

That was a new twist. He was going to pretend to break up with me and then pop the question? I was supposed to look devastated and then really happy? I’d been planning to look uncomfortable and politely upset, but he’d thrown me off. I laid my wrists on the table and waited for him to continue.

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