MCSM: 31 Day Oneshot Challenge (December)

Orange

Muscles cramp beneath my skin, so worn out that they even cry out their pain amidst all my suffering. Still though, I don't dare to move. I can't. I don't want to go back to the world, I don't want to be the helpful hero, I don't want any of that.

"Jesse!" I guess the world doesn't exactly want to let me go, well, at least my friends don't. "Jesse!"

Swallowing down my sobs, my entire neck straining to do that, I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes. My legs collapse back down with a sigh, but my lungs still ache for air. No matter how desperately I try to get a hold of myself, I can't stop myself from taking huge needy breaths.

"Come on Jesse!" Petra's frustration floats into my ears, and I grab onto it to convince myself that I need to calm down. "We know your out here somewhere, stop hiding."

I take a deep breath in, forcing my raw voice to sound normal. "Can't a guy enjoy a sunset in peace? Geez, what's this world coming to?"

The many footsteps of my friends crush grass and a few stray sticks as they run up to me, and by the sound of it, it seems like all four are there. Just all the more reason to keep it inside, I can't bother them all at once.

"Jesse! There you are!" Olivia just sits down right next to me, and I shoot her a fake smile. "We couldn't find you and when we realized you weren't even in town, we got a wee bit worried."

Axel smirks, half of his unibrow raised at Olivia. "Olivia's speaking for the rest of us, you should have seen the look of pure-"

"Axel, say another word and-"

"Anyway Jesse," Lukas sits next to me, and I can spot the strained smile he gives me. "Whatcha doing out here anyway?"

"Watching the sunset, I appreciate it more after how close the world came to ending." My lips twitch slightly as I try to hold my smile, and I refrain from gulping. Lukas seems to suspect something, what can I do to convince him I'm fine?

Petra lazily plops down on the ground near me, using her arms as a pillow. "Yep, sunset's pretty nice. Although I'm not too fond of the cold night that follows, but we got a place to head back to now."

"Oh that's right!" Olivia eagerly claps her hands, and the sneaky suspicion that they are all being way too cheerful nibbles at me. "The Order Hall has been completed! Well... it's actually just the structure mostly, but we can now live in it! Get some more furnishings rather than only beds."

"That's... that's great Olivia." My voice crackles, claws of grief tearing at my heart again. Not now... not now! "Although it, uhh, might take a bit of getting used to such a big place."

Shudders wrack my body, defying my will, and I quickly rip my gaze away and set it on the ground. Hot tears burning the back of my eyes as I image how empty it will be compared to the treehouse, no excited Rueben squealing and jumping on everything.

Lukas gently shakes my shoulder, concern weaved into his voice. "Everything alright Jesse?"

"Fine, totally fine."

"Come on man," I absolutely refuse to lift my gaze to Axel, everything's crumbling apart and I can't- I just can't- "You know you can tell us anything."

My fists curl, whether because I'm struggling to get a hold of myself or determined to keep it from the others, I don't know. But these are my emotions, I need to handle it myself. Besides, them feeling pity for me isn't exactly going to make me feel any better. They just all need to go away for awhile.

Petra huffs, and the seed of anger plants itself inside the tears of my heart. "Spit it out already, it's doing no good being bottled up in there."

I snap my head up at her, scowling bitterly. "Says the person who didn't want anyone to know of her Wither Sickness."

A hammer smashes down at my chest once I listen to the words I just spat out at Petra. I- I can't believe I just said that. What- that's so horrible of me. She's only been free of it for like what? Three days? And I just used it as an insult! That's-

"Whelp, now we know something's wrong, so you're stuck with us until you spill it." Shock throws my thoughts into silence when I hear Petra not even react at all to what I said.

Olivia grabs my other shoulder, squeezing gently, but firmly. "That's out of character for you, could you please-"

"He's gone!" I glare at her as the unwanted tears seep out, my heart finally screaming its grief out whether I want it or not. "You all know that! Of course something's wrong, I dropped that stupid sword at the worst possible moment and cost Rueben his life!"

A sob bursts out, my face distorting as grief and guilt and hate all clash together. I quickly try to hide it, covering my face again. Tears falling through my gloved hands.

"Dude, you can't blame yourself for that."

A weird hiccup of a grunt flies out of me. "Little too late for that Axel."

Lukas again gently shakes my shoulder. "Rueben knew what he was getting himself into when he jumped into the Wither Storm with you. I doubt that he did it for the world though; I would bet everything that he did it for you."

I don't respond, biting my tongue instead of shouting at him. I really want to, just shout all my grief. Get my friends to leave any way I can get them to, so I can just suffer here myself. So I still don't have to try and suppress my sobs.

"You're right Jesse, I didn't want to tell anyone about my Wither Sickness. I didn't want any of you guys to see me as weak, or worst, pity me. But it really was so much easier once I accepted it was okay to lean on someone else. Or multiple someones."

Again, I don't say anything, my lips trembling. Her words sparking a mad need for their support, and yet I so fervently want to push it away. I don't really know why, maybe because of what Petra said, maybe for some other reason, but I'm too hesitant to spill out my heart to them.

"Hey Jesse," Olivia tugs at the arm next to her, trying to get my hands down. "The sun's finally setting now, it really is more beautiful when it was threatened to be destroyed."

I glance up, just slightly lowering my hands to see it. And I don't know how the brilliant hues of red and orange seeping over the blue sky did it, but the sobs die down in my stomach and the remaining tears drip silently out of me.

A small smile grows on my face when I see that the rest of my friends are watching it too, and I know the real credit has to go to my friends for lifting my mood even if it is just this moment. Since the four of them really outshine the orange sunset.

****

My gosh, I've never really written Jesse's grief over Rueben and now I'm sad but happy with this and ugh, emotions. WHY?

So anyway, I went a little more abstract with this one, but then again, orange is a color. Can't exactly get abstract or concrete with it. Sure, there's a fruit, but that doesn't exist and it seemed kinda boring to write about. Especially when compared to what I just came up with.

Now that you have your dose of Rueben's death in for the day, I think I'll be going now. The next oneshot will be out tomorrow!