I gloomingly opened my eyes as the sunbeam that reflects on the window beside me, hits my face. Tinatamad akong napabangon at hinila yong kurtina upang matakpan ng buo yong bintana at maiwasan ang pagpasok ng liwanag sa loob. Im really not into bright things. I prefer dim places at kwarto ko ang best option para doon, especially to this kind of day.
Napatingala ako at tinitigan lang ang puting ceiling ng buong kwarto. Ang plain. Walang pinagbago. At alalang-alala ko pa rin yong mga pangyayaring naganap noon, exactly the same as the date today. And ugh! Sawang sawa na akong alalahanin pang lahat ulit ang mga yon. In the past 23 years of me living in this cruel world, Im already too fed up. At ngayong nadagdagan nanaman ang taon ko, still the same.
It is my birthday. But to be honest, ayokong i-claim. I hate it when Im claiming it. I dont celebrate my birthdays. Ang tagal na since nong magkaroon ako ng birthday cake and different surprises from my friends, relatives and family. I kind of misses it pero ayaw ko ng magkaroon pa ng ganong pangyayari ulit. I dont even want to celebrate a birthday ever again. Kasi natatakot ako. Kaya instead of claiming that Im having another shitty birthday, I just name it adding another year of birth which hy, I just name it adding another year of birth which happens to be just the same, right?
Hindi ko namalayang seven na pala ng umaga dahil sa malalim na pagiisip ko. Tsk, didn't I already told myself many times to just move on? Pero nakakabwisit kasi e, di ko naman mapigilan ang sarili ko. It's a good thing na naturuan ko na ang sarili ko sa pag-control ng luha sa pagtulo. Ayos na rin yon kahit papaano.
Muli nanamang nagring yong alarm clock ko kaya tuluyan na akong tumayo at nagtungo sa banyo. I took a bath para makapag-ayos na.
Pagkatapos kong maligo ay sinuot ko na ang bathrobe ko at pumunta sa may closet ko para makapaghanap ng damit na masusuot. Luckily, di ko pa pala nagamit yong oversized white shirt na may tatak na loneliness is my bestfriend and sadness is my boyfriend--paborito kong tshirt of all. Dumampot nalang din ako ng jeans na maipa-partner para sa shirt na yon. I used my white converse shoe at iniwang nakalugay ang shoulder-length hair ko. I took a glance at myself at my long mirror tsaka ngumiti-- ang pangit. No, not my fashion. Yong ngiti ko ang pangit. It was fake.
Napairap nalang ako at hinablot ang small backpack ko na naglalaman ng phone, wallet and the entrance ID I need para makapasok sa resto/bar na pinapasukan ko. And yeah, my guitar.
There's a lot of things I feel sorry for, but there's a lot of things I couldn't say
For you who has turned away right now, I can only give tears
Truthfully, i'm so upset, I don't even know the reason
To why I have to seperate with you
I'm so upset
For real, for real, i'm crying right now
Though you see me smiling
I love you, I love you, It was all a mistake
Even though you get mad, it's okay,
Even though you scold me, it's okay
So please don't
Leave me, don't go, you don't have to love me
I will just love you myself
Just today, just today, can't you bear only for today?
I think I can't send you away like this
I love you, I love you, It was all a mistake
Even though you get mad, it's okay,
even though you scold me, it's okay
So please don't
Leave me, don't go, you don't have to love me
I will just love you myself
Turn it back to the beginning
Turn it back to the time that you loved me
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't know
That your heart left me, that you don't like me anymore
I lived without noticing
Whatever I do, what should I do?, if your heart left me
Even though it stays besides me, it's not love without you
I guess.. I'm not even worth to be with you
