Misfit

1.Hair

"Okay is this short enough Darling?"

Tyler stared in the mirror as he saw the woman who had known him all his life with his long hair and a pair of scissors in her hand.

He let out a shaky breath before saying "Yeah, that's fine."

All of a sudden there was blue and pink hair on his shoulders and lap. He stared at himself in the mirror as the long hair he had gotten so used to was cut away from him.

He had always been the one with weird hair. From a sweeping side fringe to blue and pink hair, no one really knew what was coming next with him, but they certainly wouldn't expect this.

Because everyone knew him as Taylor and She. Everyone knew him as a girl but Tyler knew that wasn't who he was.

Ever since he was small, he always knew that there was something not quite right. He would look at other boys and be envious of everything about them. He would walk behind boys in his school and try and copy all of their mannerisms. He wanted to be exactly the same as them, and he knew that his brain was the same, his body just didn't know that. And it hurt him beyond belief.

Every time he would be called a girl or darling or Taylor, a little bit inside of him died, it felt like the world was caving into his heart and everything was wrong.

He started to do little things to make himself feel more comfortable as he got older. Tucking his hair into hats, wearing men's clothes and watching how his brother acted. Eventually everything but his looks resembled a man.

This haircut was the last thing he needed to do to fully kick his transition off. Then maybe he could fit in with the boys better and be seen as one.

But for the moment, he actually had to get through the haircut without having a panic attack. Having pretty bad social anxiety really didn't help the situation as he knew he would have to go into school tomorrow and face the comments. He knew they would be nice and people would be okay but he was still scared of what people will be thinking and the attention he would get.

Just as the Hairdresser was shaving his sides, a couple came in.

"Look how much she's had cut off!" the barber said to the new guests.

They both looked in awe as they saw the multicolored hair around the chair on the floor. Tyler could understand why they were in shock.

"Finished!" Tyler heard.

He looked up and his heart felt so warm and as if all the puzzle pieces had started fitting together in his life. His hair was faded at the sides and back and longer on the top. It was still pink and blue but he didn't mind that. His hair color gave him safety and stability. A sense of who he was. He needed to keep that for a while. If he couldn't change the foundations of his body, he would at least paint the walls to add a bit of life to it.

Tyler paid for his hair cut and walked out the door with a smile on his face. The cold October wind felt cold on his head and neck, but it felt refreshing and natural. He didn't mind.

It was only a short walk to Tyler's house from the Hairdressers and the whole time he ran his hands through his freshly cut hair, wondering why in the hell he didn't do it a lot sooner.

He reached his house and saw his Dad who had a big grin on his face and brought him in for a hug. His Dad didn't know he was Trans but he preferred Tyler when he was a bit more masculine and fitting in with his Dad and Brother.

"I really like it Bean, it really suits you!" His Dad beamed as he laughed. He was used to Tyler doing weird things to his hair by now so a haircut didn't really phase him anymore.

-

Tyler stared in the mirror in the Living room unable to breathe. Why had he done this? Why did he cut it all of like that?

A wave of panic hit him like a truck as he stared tugging on his hair, willing it to grow or at least sit in a way that he wanted it but nothing was working. He was sobbing as he realized what he had done and that he would have to face so many glaring eyes at school tomorrow. His brother was right he shouldn't have cut it. He didn't suit it, he just looked like a butch lesbian in his eyes.

Eventually Tyler fell asleep with his hood up and wrapped under his blanket after crying himself to sleep. He fell into a dreamless sleep, too exhausted because of the constant panic attack he had been having, blissfully unaware of the amount of people he would have to face tomorrow.