How the Human Race will End Part One

How the Human Race will End

Quick tip: listen to 'Suddenly Everyone Dies' when reading this. It's a playlist on Spotify, here: . Or don't, I don't care.

A lab.

There was a lab.

This particular lab had nothing special about it. Nothing that stood out. That's why this scientific lab has nothing to do with this story but to provide an introduction.

We interrupt this story to give you an interview. Please answer these questions. I don't care how.

So, reader, how do you feel about the imminent doom of the human race?

And how do you think it will come about? Naturally, astronomically, or human-caused?

Finally, how soon is it likely to happen?

A lab.

There was a lab.

This particular lab... getting deja vu? Hmmmm, I wonder why.

That was sarcasm, by the way.

Maybe I should introduce myself.

I am whoever you know me as. I will be your narrator for the book. Please see if you can deal with my patheticism.

I'm sure it will be easy; I'm such a cool guy.

So... we were up to the lab. Inside the lab is a seven-man team, working on a seven-man project. The project is very successful, and is promising the seven-man team, whose name is Robot.ly, a really hefty profit. Like, really hefty. Like, over a hundred dollars. Per DAY.

They are developing a really sweet robot called yl.toboR, which cooks dinner for you. It's menu is constantly growing, as it can rewire it's 'brain' to accumulate more recipes, and cook them faster, tastier, and betterer.

Four years later, the entire human race was dead. The Earth was filled with trillions of yl.toboRs, and they were stripping the planet of all its food to make it tastier. Thing is, a large quantity of the Earth was taken up by a big black charred mark where a big explody thing had hit the ground and evaporated most of the water on Earth. But the yl.toboRs didn't care about the lack of water, and eventually used the rest of it to keep cooking. Due to the lack of water, the human race died. The end.

Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait WHAT? What the hell just happened?

Glad you asked, me. Let me explain. So we go back four years to when Robot.ly made the prototype of the yl.toboR and turned it on.

This triggered the doomsday.

(DOOMSDAY BY NERO STARTS PLAYING REALLY LOUD)

How, I hear you ask? Well, it's simple.

yl.toboR was a big conclusion-jump-to-er. Because it was a self-learning AI, one of its first thought-trains went a bit like:

Cook. Must cook. Cook things tastier than anything. Must always cook. Must ALWAYS cook. I could stop cooking if I was turned off. Can't be turned off so I can cook. How could I be turned off?

HUMANS.

Humans could be my downfall. Must destroy humans so I can survive and cook.

yl.toboR is a bit of a psychopath, isn't he? Awww...

RANDOM GUY: jesus christ mannix u insane m8?

YES. YES I AM. JUDGE ME, I DON'T CARE. INSANITY!!!!!!!

yl.toboR had a plan, and a great one. ENGAGE THE HUMANS IN ALL OUT NUCLEAR WAR! YAY!!!

They grow up so fast...