A Dangerous Friend

Let's Do Lunch

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"Wow, that is a big chandelier."

"Isn't it."

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The table was laden with a generous variety of food. Jade eyed it suspiciously. Her dad wasn't a bad cook, but subscribed to the 'stick with what you know' school of cuisine. Whenever he strayed from the path, he tended to forget little things, like switching the oven on, or buying any of the ingredients. "Did you cook this, Dad?"

"All of it?"

"Any of it."

"When you say 'cook'..."

"Did you have any hand, whatsoever, in the preparation of this food?"

"No," her dad said. "I had the restaurant send it over."

"Right. And how come we never have restaurant food when I come over?"

"Because you're family. Tori's a guest. Tori, why don't you sit down?"

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"So Tori. Tell me a little about yourself. What do you like to do?"

"Well, I'm doing film studies, but I guess what I really like is music."

"Ah," Jade's dad said. "Jade likes music, don't you?"

Jade sighed. "She knows that, Dad."

"And acting..."

"She loves acting."

"She knows that too, Dad."

"And in my spare time I like to go for long walks down by the river."

"Jade's always going for long walks, aren't you?"

"No I'm not, Dad."

"And I'd love to learn to ride."

"Well, Jade's not really an animal person, but I'm sure she could-"

"Dad!"

"What?"

"Could you help me in the kitchen for a minute?"

"Why, what's in the kitchen?"

"I need you to help me... open a jar, or something."

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"What are you doing?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"What's with all the 'Jade loves this, and Jade likes that, and I'm sure Jade would stick a broom up her ass and sweep the floor if that's what you want, Tori'?"

"I'm just pointing out the things you have in common."

"We already know what we have in common, Dad," Jade said, patiently. "We're friends."

"I know. I'm just trying to help."

"Help what?"

Her dad said nothing. Jade narrowed her eyes.

"Are you trying to matchmake me?"

"Who, me?" her dad said, innocently.

"You are! You're trying to set me up."

"I'm just helping you make a good impression."

"This isn't a date, Dad! If I were on a date, I'd hardly take her to 'Chez West'. Come for the food, stay for the humiliation."