Still Life

Prologue

"I'm sorry.

Growing up, I thought you were just weird and painstakingly amazing.

Weird because you think maturely despite your younger age. How you asked us.. "Ate asan ka? Sinong kasama mo? Kumain ka na ba? Wag ka papagutom ah? Take care always."

I really thought you were just being weird. Because how can you say something like that when you're the youngest out of the three of us? It was supposed to be our responsibility, not yours.

But only now did I realized.. it was never your intention to be like that.

It was your experience that made you who you are right now.

What you've gone through made you tougher. You realized how hard life was that you started thinking of others safety than yours. Because you know you've gone through worse and you dont want that to happen to others.

We were supposed to guide you.

Bunso, I am so sorry.

Wala kami noong mga panahong sobrang kailangan mo kami. We were too tired to help you. Too stressed from work. Too pressured that we forgot that out of the three of us.. ikaw yung mas nangangailangan ng gabay. Ng suporta.

Hindi namin nabigay sayo yun.

We let you be used to the feeling na inaangkin nalang ang lahat ng problema. Kinikimkim. Sinasarili.

We were too insensitive through all this time that you were trying to man up and tried telling us all your pain and struggles.

Whenever you say "Ateee I'm so sad" and when we ask you why you said maybe because you were just tired.

Hindi namin alam.. pagod na pagod ka na pala sa lahat.

Pero pinilit mong kayanin.

Kahit na palagi naming sinasabi "Okay lang yan. Wag mo nalang silang pansinin. Pagod ako."

We were supposed to guide you. But instead we're pushing you away.

Kaya pala pag tinatanong ka namin kung anong gusto mo hindi mo na alam ang isasagot.

Hindi mo na alam ang gusto mo.

Kasi sinanay ka namin na pinapahintay nalang kung ano ang maibibigay namin sayo.

Tapos sasabihin mo, "wag mo nalang akong bigyan ate. Mas kailangan nyo ang pera."

Growing up, nasanay ka na wag ng mag expect ng kung ano-ano. Pinapaubaya mo nalang sa Diyos lahat.

Hindi namin alam, ginagawa mo ang lahat.. binibigay mo ang lahat ng pasekreto.

Kasi ayaw mong may makakita ng totoong ikaw. Yung mabuting ikaw...

I should've read all the signs. I should've notice. I should've—

Bunso hindi ko na kaya.

Bakit mo kami iniwan?"

12-08-15 | Ate