Vent Book

12/10/18

btw incase you don't know i am writing the date as month/day/year

i am just so fucking depressed... like i don't know why. i feel like how dan explained he feels in daniel and depression because i wake up and i just feel like i've fallen inside this giant hole of depression and i can't get out. i'm just stuck. it makes it worse when people worry about me because they think they are throwing a a rope to help me out but they are just digging the whole deeper because i start to feel bad for them and then i try to make them feel better but i don't worry about helping myself and i get more trapped in my own depressed state.

"it's not that i feel sad or that i want to cry, it's that i don't feel anything at all."

that's exactly how i feel and i don't know what to do about it. i have so much weight on my shoulders right now. let's talk about just this week. so on sunday i had to play in a concert which i was there most of the day and then i had to see my dad and he accidentally texted me instead of the person he tried to text, "i hate saying goodbye to Sarene, i cried the whole walk to my car." and i thought he was getting better but he clearly isn't and i don't want him to be sad but my mom isn't ready to let me hang out with him alone. i'll explain more on that later. then i had to eat and do more homework and i forgot to hit turn in on the thing we had to copy on paper in the google classroom for algebra so i might get a zero for homework and get in trouble for that. i also have a science test tomorrow and i have swim and dive tonight and then i have to go home and study and do my math homework and then i have to study math for my midterm next week and then tomorrow i have an orchestra concert and then i have to go home and do homework and it fucking sucks. my best friend told me how the stress put on younger teens can cause major problems with mental health when they become adults so fuck my life.