Answer to my Riddles

Answers to my Riddles

June 15th 2017

I step outside and wait for his pale blue eyes to flash in my direction. I stand there for a second and admire the view. He runs his hand through his hair, still not noticing me standing in the doorway. I don't move; I try to take in these final moments before I have to go.
February 2nd 2017
"What are you reading, Ari?" He asked as he laid sprawled across the porch swing, gradually popping grapes into his mouth.
I sat on the steps of my porch.
"It's Romeo and Juliet." I said, looking up at him.. I hid my blushing face behind the hardcover book in my hands.
"Why don't you read some to me." He questioned, sitting up.
"Really?"
"Yeah." He gestured for me to come sit down on the swing with him.
I walked towards the swing and stood before him.
Is this spot taken?" I pointed to his shoulder.
"Oh, well there's a waiting list but for you, I'd make an exception, Ari."
I sat down and put my head on his shoulder, then I read to him.
"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite."

*****

I sat next to Gray on the swing.
"Hey.." I looked away.
"Hi Ariana." He puts his hand on my leg, and startled, I stiffen. "I came to say goodbye."
"Gray, I really don't want to do this." I look at him, trying to hide the tears forming in my hazelnut-toned eyes.
He takes his hand off my leg, and I realize I missed his touch.
"Ari, please."
"Grayson. If I have to say goodbye to you, I think I might break."
"If you go to California without saying goodbye to me, I'll break."
I sigh and a tear makes its way down my cheek.
"Hey, don't cry." He wipes away my tear with his thumb.
"I didn't want you to see me cry." I say, as more tears fall.
"It's okay, Ari." He smiles and holds my hand. The smile looks forced.
We sit in silence on the bench for a while, then my parents come out through the still wide open door.
"It's time to go, Kiddo." my dad says as he walks down the steps towards the van. My mom follows closely behind, with a box filled to the brim with hair products. I wait for them to get in the van, then Grayson and I stood.
"Goodbye, Gray."
"Goodbye, Ari."
"I love you."
"I love you more, Gray."
I look him up and down one more time. I was struggling to grasp the fact that I wouldn't see him every day anymore. He pulls me into a hug, and then pulls my legs around him. I wanted him to keep holding me, but I had to go.
I kiss him one more time before running into the van. As we drive further away, and his silhouette became smaller and smaller, I wave goodbye to him and to the town that I'd never forget.
september 26th 2017
I crawl out of bed and walk to the bathroom.
I wash my face. I don't bother putting on any makeup. Once I finish, I checked my phone. I was expecting a text from Gray. But why was I? It's not like we spoke this summer. We texted maybe once or twice. He's moved on. If only I could too. I don't know what to say. I want to text him and say I love him and miss him, but I'll probably just look stupid. Besides, he probably already has a new girlfriend. Oh my God... What if he has a new girlfriend??
I didn't want to think about it. If he can move on in only three months, so can I.
But why is it so hard???
****
May 9th 2017
I sit on my bay window watching the rain slowly fall. It kind of calms me. It's kind of funny actually. This moment right here, it's like that part of the movie where the main character gets some terrible news, and then it just rains out of nowhere. I unlock my phone and go to messages.
Ariana- Hey.
Gray- Hi.
Ariana- Gray, I have to tell you something...
Gray- what?
Ariana- I'm moving.
Gray- What?!
Ariana- I know...
Gray- Where?
Ariana- California.
Gray- Can I come over?
Ariana- Yeah.
Gray- See you soon, babe.
Gray got to my house shortly after that. We didn't do much. We just sat on my bed. He had me cuddled in his arms. It was quiet, except for the occasional "It's okay, love." and "It's gonna be fine." I finally calmed down after almost fifteen minutes later. Then I just became angry. My parents made a HUGE decision without even talking to me first. Now I have to move away from my boyfriend and all my friends. Gray and I just started dating like 4 months ago and now in two months i'll be 2,426 miles from him.
***
This move has really ruined my life. Let's just get this day over with. Funny, I have been saying that every single day since the move.
"Ari, you're gonna be late to school!!" my mom called from downstairs, snapping me out of my daze. I walked down the carpeted steps and shoved my things into my bookbag.
"Good morning, sweetie!" Mom said, in a stupid attempt at a cheery voice.
"Splendid morning, mother." I was careful to add just the perfect amount of sarcasm, and she knows I only call her "mother" when I'm mad at her.
"What's wrong, Ari?" She asked me, suddenly plastering a concerned look onto her face.
"Literally everything, mother." I groaned. I started towards the door, backpack in hand.
"Well, then don't you want to talk about it?"
"I would actually rather gouge my eyes out with a flaming pitchfork than talk about my feelings with you."
With that, I walked through the door and headed on my way to school.
october 14th 2017
It had been almost four months since my move. I've been...coping. I feel better sometimes, but it never lasts. I made a few friends, but I haven't opened up to them. Honestly, I think the only reason I did make friends is because I didn't want to be a miserable loner. Tracy is a bossy, outgoing girl, she towers over me, and even over Grayson. Brielle is quiet, but she is not afraid to speak her mind. Their one thing in common: They'd do anything for their friends.
"Should I wear gold eyeshadow, or pink eyeshadow?" Tracy asked, waving two high end makeup palettes in my face.
I was at Brielle's house with Tracy, and we were getting ready for Lynns birthday party.
"Gold." I wasn't in the mood to party. I didn't really care.
"Ariana, you didn't even look!" Tracy said, putting down the palettes and putting her hands on her hips.
"I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood to be here right now. I was gonna stay home and watch tragic romance movies." I said. I knew at that moment that I would have a terrible night, but there's no going back now.
"Are you still upset about Pittsburgh?" Brielle said, entering the room with her hair and makeup finished.
"Yes, I'm still upset!" I snapped. "It's my home!"
Brielle looked shocked, and she sighed. "I'm sorry."
I put my head in my hands for a minute. When I finally picked my head up, I groaned.
"No, you're fine. I just can't right now."
"Maybe the party will cheer you up, girlie."
"Maybe." But I knew it wouldn't.
The scene was okay, I guess. The music was decent, and there was a ton of candy. I had actually started to feel a little bit better, for the first time in months.
"Happy birthday, Lynn!" I ran up to her and bear hugged her.
"Thanks, love!" She wore a crown on her head, along with a sash that read Birthday Girl. She went all out for the occasion. We all went outside and took pictures together, then some girls went inside to dance. I stayed outside and sat on a chair. I felt a little overwhelmed, and I just needed to calm down for a bit. The cool October air consumed me, but it actually felt refreshing. I scrolled through Instagram, and I saw Grayson's account pop up. I hadn't looked at his account since September, but I didn't have the guts to ever unfollow. I click on his account and check his recent photo.
POSTED AT 7:36 YESTERDAY
The photo is a selfie of Gray, but there's a girl in the photo. He's kissing her. The caption is "Friday night football games with my baby."
NO
NO
NO
My eyes quickly filled with hot tears. I fall to the ground. It felt like my whole world was crashing on top of me, and obviously there was nothing I could do. My biggest fears had come true. I was alone now, accompanied only by the thoughts in my head. My head ached as awful thoughts raced through my mind. I felt my breathe slowing, and through my sobs I gasped for air. My chest pounded as I just kneeled there, becoming unaware of my surroundings. Brielle and Tracy ran out and to my side.
"Girl, what's wrong?" Brielle whispered, holding me tight. Tracy kneeled to the ground and hugged me too. "It's okay, it's fine." She whispered.
"He m- he moved o-on already!"
"Who, babe?" Brielle asked me.
"My boyfriend..."
We stood up and walked into the house. We took our things, excused ourselves, and we left. They held my hands and rubbed my back, trying their hardest to calm me, but I felt broken. I knew that nobody else would want me, but did he ever? What were these games he was playing? What was his goal?
As we walked on our way to Brielle's house, I told them everything. I told them about my first boyfriend. I told them about my first kiss, and about the night I told him I was moving. I told them that we weren't supposed to break up. We were trying long distance, but then he started ignoring my messages. We settled in on Brielle's bed, and we cuddled under blankets. I had finally stopped crying. We all fell asleep.
The next morning, I left early. I stepped into the frigid autumn air, and I walked the four blocks to my house.
I walked inside the house to see my mom brewing coffee. Instantly, mom could tell something was wrong.
"Honey, you're home early! Are you okay?"
"Mommy...I-" I tried to get the words out.
"Grayson has a new girlfriend.""Oh, sweetie, come here."
I walked over to her and she pulled me into a bear hug. The scent of her lavender perfume calmed me and I closed my eyes.
***
May 5th 2017
"Grayson?"
"Yeah, Ari?"
We were seated on his bedroom floor playing video games. Clothes and sneakers piled on the space around us. We were tied, but I had a winning strategy.
"I love you."
"I just died in the game."
I started laughing hysterically.
"'Twas my plan all along" I said in a mischievous tone, while smirking.
"I love you too."
My face grew red and I moved a little closer to him. I was right in front of his face. I looked into his ocean eyes and I kissed him.
"Rematch, babe?" I smiled.
"Why not?" He picked up the remote.
I know this will last forever, this happiness I feel in this moment, it can't be extinguished as long as Grayson's right by my side.
****
March 17th 2018
I sit in my bedroom, wrapped up in my blankets and pillows. It was Saturday morning, and I had needed to recover from last night. California seemed to be feel more like home now. Last nights party was so much fun. Tracy and I, along with our other friends, hung out at a friends house for his birthday party. I hadn't smiled so big in a while, and I spent the night laughing and talking with everyone. I scroll through my instagram, smiling ear to ear remembering last night's events, then I turn off my phone. I open my laptop. Then I type tumblr into the search bar.
I start a new post, then I type. I pour my feelings out onto the page for a few minutes, then I hit send. It feels good to finally post a happy poem, but it feels even better to actually be happy. I missed this feeling, but it feels great. I think back to a few months ago, feeling hopeless, feeling like I'd never be happy. I wish I could go back to then and tell that girl that she doesn't need him. I wish I could tell her not to waste all her tears on him. I wish I could tell her that life gets better, and that she doesn't have to depend on anyone to be happy.

this year, i fell in love with myself
I told myself
Thank you, I'm sorry, It's okay.
Thank you for fighting to survive when you don't want to
I'm sorry I blame you for things you can't control
It's okay not to be perfect, I will love you anyway
Now i look at my face in the mirror instead of my body
"You are the most important thing in the world to me"
Caroline Kaufman