How the Moon Fell In Love With a Star

Chapter 3

Word Count: 1,067

The rest of the week, I ignored Marlene whenever possible. She knew it hurt me to watch her with Sirius. And she didn't care. In all our years at Hogwarts, the two of us had never gotten along. I would compare our relationship to that of a hawk and a mouse. Her the hawk, and I the mouse. She was always going after me in any way she could. I never knew why. I guess it was similar to the way James used to go after Severus Snape.

I ignored Sirius as well. The next day in Potions, instead of sitting at a table with him like normal, I sat with Peter. My excuse: Peter needed help studying for N.E.W.T.s.

In Transfiguration, when Professor McGonagall told us to get into groups of three, I joined Lily and Alice instead of James and Sirius. My excuse: Lily would help me learn the spell I had been struggling for so long to master.

When we had Astronomy that night, I rubbed salt in the wound by sharing a telescope with Regulus Black, who was in Advanced Astronomy, despite his year. My excuse: Regulus was actually a decent person when not surrounded by the rest of his Slytherin friends. Of course, this wasn't much better, as all Regulus wanted to know was why I decided to work with him and not his brother.

"I don't really care to share, Regulus," I told him.

"Well, I know you've been in love with him at least as long as I've been here," he replied.

I stiffened. "And what does that have to do with anything?"

"It would explain why you haven't been talking to him for the past week," said Regulus.

"How would you know? It's not like you care." I scowled.

"I pay more attention to my brother than you think. Though my parents shunned him doesn't mean I have to do the same," Regulus replied. I scoffed at him.

"Sure. I bet you spend all your time watching your brother."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "You know that isn't what I meant. By the way, he's watching us." I tried not to turn and look at Sirius, but my will was weaker than my muscles. He was indeed watching us, with a cold stare. I turned back to Regulus.

"How do you know so much about what me?"

"Like I said," Regulus turned back to our notes, "I pay attention."

Every night, Lily complained to me that Sirius wouldn't stop asking about me.

"I don't understand why you won't just talk to him."

"It's the principle of the matter, Lily," I told her, flopping onto my bed.

"It doesn't matter if it's the principle or your attitude. He misses you! You obviously are too blind to see it since you can't get your head out of your arse and forgive him, but everyone else sees."

"Why should I forgive him, Lily? Give me one good reason." I jumped to my feet and raised my eyebrows.

"Ana!" Lily sighed, exasperated. "For starters, you're in love with him!"

"But does he know that? No! Would he care even if he did know? No!"

"Does it matter? You love him, so who cares if he loves you! Besides, you don't actually have proof that he doesn't love you," Lily pointed out.

I let out a scream of frustration. "He. Doesn't. Love-" I cut myself off instantly as the door opened.

Of course the last person I wanted to see would walk through the door. "What's going on? I heard shouting," said Marlene.

I shoved my way past her out the door. "Nothing. Nothing at all," I muttered to myself.

James and Remus were no help at all. They refused to tell Sirius why I was mad at him and insisted I talk to him myself. On Saturday, Sirius cornered me.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not ignoring you."

"Oh really?" Sirius crossed his arms. "Then why haven't you talked to me in four days?"

"Been keeping count, have you?" I turned my face away, refusing to look at him.

"Hey." His fingers gripped my chin and turned my head back to him. "Why won't you pay attention to me?" His voice was firm, demanding, but his eyes were soft and filled with a hurricane of emotions. Pain, sadness, anger, annoyance, to name a few.

I tried to swallow my guilt. Never, in all the years I'd known Sirius, had I shut him out like this. Never had I pushed him so far away that I hurt both him and myself without knowing it.

We stared at each other, eyes locked in a wordless conversation. With my eyes reflected in his, I was able to pick out the flecks of gold that went undetected most of the time. I first noticed the gold while playing Truth or Dare with the boys back in our second year. Peter dared me to stare at Sirius for two whole minutes. It was then, in the boys' dormitory after our second year exams had finished, that I first realized I thought of Sirius differently. I didn't know what it was at the time. Love was such a foreign concept at twelve years old. I just knew he was more than my best friend. More than my brother. He became my favorite person in the world. So of course I would never push him away on purpose. I didn't think it possible. Why was this time so much different?

"I won't pay attention to you because it hurts, Sirius. It hurts watching you and Marley all the time. You have this dance with her that I don't even think you know exists. I watch you pretend to fall in love and act like a couple and then you break up for some unexplained reason and you come crying to me because you had convinced yourself that she was right for you but you're wrong. She's not right for you. She never will be." But I am is what I wanted to add, but didn't.

Sirius stared in silence before suddenly scooping me up into a hug. "I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair. I gripped his shirt, holding him close. Oh, how I wish this could mean something different. "Thanks, Lills. I'm glad you're my best friend." And my heart shattered into a million pieces.