I'm gonna stray from the poetry route on this one, write something more like a journal. I'm have Aspergers syndrome, a form of high functioning social autism. Coupled with being a manic depressive, life is hard, socialization is scary, but I need it to get by. I just felt like writing, not because I want someone to read this, but because I'm scared. I've screwed it all up, I just know it. I keep letting myself fall for stupid things, what right did I have to believe that happiness may be within reach? I know, more so I feel, that the only way I'll be happy is if I find love, but how am I supposed to do that? I'm scared, shy, awkward, who goes for that? I finally found someone I feel a connection with, and I screw it all up with nervous silence. Fuck you life, I hate this, I needed this, and you couldn't give it to me! I've never kept one good thing, you keep stealing my happiness from me! Why and the hell am I here if you don't want me to live! I'm not alive, this isn't living! This is Hell!! I'm tired of these fucking curveballs, throw a straight pitch for once damn it! What'd I ever do to deserve this! If you don't want me to be happy, then just fucking end this already... please...
