Life Updates And Other Stuff?

🌠 Peaceful 🌠

You ever have moments when when you think about your girlfriend and you're just like,,

Lol I mean, I'm always like this, but I'm just in a lovesick mood because I was talking about my gf with a friend from school.
(Tired lovesick Mani approaching: Warning)

And you wanna what's so weird about it?
I never really felt like this before. I'm use to nights where I'm up crying and hating myself but, it's been so different lately.

All of it feels so.. nice?
No.
I don't think 'nice' is the correct word for it.

Maybe it's euphoric.

Maybe it's enthralling. (Did I use that correctly?)

Maybe it's just simply there isn't a word to describe it necessarily. How could you, if we're being honest?

The way your heart jumps whenever you see them text you.

The dumb smile you put on every time they say something cute. (Or anything in general. Lol)

The daydreams you have hanging out and going on dates.

The music you listen that  makes you smile as you think about them.

The way they look at you.

The way they make you feel just by their presence alone.

There's no word in any dictionary --no word in any language-- for that feeling. A feeling of overwhelming happiness and tranquility that seems to surround you at every turn, giving you a boost in energy to take on anything. It's that sense of pride you have for them, their dreams, and ambitions. It's that sense of love for their personality and what they stand for. It's just..I don't know.

That's what it's been for me.

Kai is literally the reason I keep getting up in the morning. She's the reason I push through the weeks of shitty teachers and exams, harrassment and the because I know that at the end of the week, it's so worth it when we get to talk. There will always be times where I say "I can't do it today", but I always push through it.

Kai is the reason I keep working hard. There's times I always wanted to quit. Pull the plug, rage quit, press quit and be done with it as I say "Fuck it it's not worth it". But every time I'm close to that edge, she helps me through it. Whether it's her leaving a quick message or sending random memes, or even her asking me how I'm doing, it's those little things that make me say "One more day. Let's try again"

Kai is the reason I inspire to do better. She's so sweet and kind to the people she comes in contact with. She's seems so cheerful and optimistic, you can't help but want to be around her. She's loving and welcomes people sincerely and with  open arms. Her personality is strong, something that struck me when I first met her. Maybe that's what drew me to her initially. From what I know, she's a good student and likes to get involved in stuff in her town and school, and I can't help but feel extremely proud of her. I'm proud of everything she does. From her writing, to her some how tricking me into saying "sugondese" and "dragon" (Still hate you for this, baby girl XD) I'm proud of all of it.

Kai shows me that there's still good out there. I don't open up to many, if I'm going to be honest. I really don't. It's hard to trust people considering what has happened in the past. People have always taken advantage of me, so I always kept a wall up and kept my distance, even in relationships.  I never tried to get too close. But with her...I never had to put up a front.  She made things feel easy. So natural and sincere. She was always so understanding and listened to me even when I was out of my mind. She never intentionally hurt me and would apologize if needed. If there was a problem, she made sure to sit down with me and talk about it and we'd fix it together. Throughout this relationship, she's always made it clear that she loves me, that she wants to make this work. And for that, I couldn't be more grateful and I love her so much for that.

I'm not writing all of this for no reason or just to spill my feelings out like a gushing teenager (Even though I am lmao) I'm writing this because I want to let you know that I appreciate you, HappyHappy12309. I feel like I take everything you do for granted sometimes, and I don't tell you enough how much I do care about you. I say things here and there, but that's only a fraction of how I really feel about you. Like I said, I could talk about you all day and not get bored. I mean, how can I not? You're fucking perfect.

When I say I love you, I don't mean it as just three little words. It's a reminder that:

I'm proud of you.

Your personality is as beautiful as you are.

You're what keeps me going.

I'm here for you.

I really mean it when I say it, love. I wouldn't trade you for the world.

Alright, it's about 1:48 in the morning at the time of writing this, I should prooobably get to bed lol. It's worth it though, because I want to say this for a while. Hopefully you have a good night and that you'll see this in the morning.