Siberian Winter 《PruRus》 ✔ Completed

Sechszehn

It was difficult for me to not think about Viktor. He was as close as a brother to me. We grew up together, we became men together. He was my best friend, my brother and my comrade. It was not fair. He deserved better.

"Tut mir leid," I muttered to myself. Felix on the other hand was peacefully asleep. I thanked God mentally. He was getting so annoying at times. He reminded me of myself. I used to be like him; I talked a lot, I said nonsense, I annoyed Ludwig and Elizabeta a lot. But, everything changed when the war began; Ludwig and I joined the army. We went through so much; we saw so much that I completely forgot who I used to be. When I lost Ludwig, I couldn't take it any further.
Everything was black and white; I just wanted to stay away as far as I could, until I met Ivan. I met Katyusha. They made me feel warm, they melted the ice inside my heart, and Ivan; he granted me a colourful world, filled with happiness. Last time, I couldn't save my loved ones, but this time, I wasn't going to let them vanish from my life that easily. I'd stand and fight, if it took everything, it could take me, too.

Time passed slowly, everything was in a slow pace. I was drifting in and out. The night was coming out. All I could see was trees. It was boring. Felix was asleep for 3 hours straight. I had started contemplating to see if he was alive or gone. As harsh as it sounded, it was the truth; death had no mercy and was no game to play with.
I looked at the landscape but my eyes slowly fell on him. His head bobbed but he was peacefully leaning against the seat. He didn't seem to be a bad guy. I thought, maybe he was not that annoying after all. We could become friends. Just, maybe.
He stirred a little and opened his eyes. His half-closed eyes stared at me and then, he scratched his head with a weird face.
"You nearly scared the shit out of me." He said with a groggy voice. "Stop staring at my soul. It is creepy," he shooed me with his hands. I couldn't help but smile at his amusing behaviour. "I need to go to the toilet." He stood up and walked towards the toilet. When he came back, his hair was tied back and his eyes were fully open. His green eyes glimmered with excitement.
"What's with that face?" I asked.
He looked at me and giggled.
"What?" I spat. He pointed at my hair. "Cow lick." I looked at my reflection on the window. My hair was clamped to a side. "Very funny, ha ha." I said with no sign of humour. "Your hair looked like bird nest." He took a step back, but started to laugh harder. I laughed, too. "Oui, you two foreigners, shut it! We're trying to sleep." An old grandpa yelled from the end of the cabin with his scratchy voice. Felix looked around and when the sight was clear, he stuck his tongue out towards the man. I burst again.
"Shhh..." Felix put his hand over my mouth. We both were laughing again. We were laughing for no specific reason, no specific event, nothing had happened, but suddenly, everything was funny. Felix was funny. His cheeks were rosy. He sat on his place. "I can't stand those types of people." He said. I couldn't stand them, too.
"Tomorrow, I am going to cut my hair." He sighed. It was surprising.

"Sure?"

"Sure as hell."

.

Felix stood up from his chair and turned around. His face appeared more defined. His high cheek bones and his jaw line were more at sight. He appeared somehow younger, too.

It was my turn to trim my white hair. It took me 10 minutes, unlike Felix, who needed 5 minutes to get ready for the huge change and 15 minutes to get his hair done.

We were in a rusty barber shop in Tyla. Felix's hair was shorter on sides. He looked good. At least, more manly.

"I feel sorry for my hair." He exclaimed dramatically. I rolled my eyes. "Shut up." I said. He just giggled.
"You look like a human." I pointed at him. He smiled but his expression fell. He took a sharp breath and looked at me. "I never liked my long hair. Someone liked it. They said I looked pretty with my long hair. I kept on growing my hair." He ran a hand in his hair. "But then they died in front of my eyes. So, I wanted to keep a piece of them." I felt sorry for him.
"I got emotional, sorry." He drifted his eyes away and took a shaky breath.
"No, don't. Actually, I let my hair grow for someone, too." I winked. He chuckled and leaned forward on his chair. "So? Who is that someone?"
I looked at him. "I won't tell anybody." He squeezed my hand.
"Ivan." I said shortly.
"I know him that kid looks like him. How did you find him? I really don't know what to say man, but he is pretty dangerous." He mumbled.
"How do you know him?" I asked.
"We served again. He went dangerously insane when his wife died." He said.
"What else do you know about him?"
"You seem interested..."
"Felix! Tell me."
"He has a sister. Their relationship seemed off last I saw him. I tried to help him but he nearly choked the day light out of my life." Felix showed a rounded mark on his neck. "He even threw a stone at me. He was going to kill me. If you're searching him, I don't know you anymore." He rubbed his neck fearfully.
"But he helped me."
"You are just one lucky bastard. He could kill you. Unless he liked you specifically." He yawned.
"Whatever. Do what you wanna do, I am not sure if I'll meet him or not. If you did, tell him Felix' neck hasn't healed yet." His passive aggressive tone was literally annoying me. It wasn't very important. But, what he told me was important. Made me know Ivan more. The man that made me fall in love could actually attempt many things.

.later that day, when I woke up from a short nap, I saw Felix staring quietly outside. Golden hair shone bright and his porcelain skin appeared pale. "You are awake." He said with a hushed voice. I nodded.

"what is wrong?" I asked while stretching.

"I miss my family and friends. They were mostly slaughtered by Reds and Nazis. I don't like to describe every Russian as Red or every German as Nazi. They aren't the same. I have met nice Russians and Germans, too." he smiled at me.

"why are you returning to the front?" I asked carefully, testing the water.

"When my friend was shot before my eyes, he told me run away and survive no matter what happens. I ran away from Poland and joined the Reds. I loathed them. But, that was only choice I had. I want to live, Gilbert. I want to live." Felix bit his lips and exhaled his shaky breath. I just watched him with my hands on my lap.

"We are in Oreal now."

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Edited: 11.6.19