I have never been good at putting words and feelings together. But when I first saw you, I was drowning in feelings and emotions. For the first time in awhile, actually. But I recognise I need to move on, you are not interested in a relationship.
And who am i but a coward of a girl who hopelessly sneaks glances at you from across the room, and watches quietly. In order to move on..I have to recognise everything that has brought me to this point.
My freshmen year on the swim team, talk about exciting. It was halfway through freshmen year when i first noticed you. I mean, noticed you noticed you. I always knew who you were of course, I was a little bit of a gossip queen back then. But I remember my eyes burning from the chlorine of the water, and it hurt to breathe. I took a break and sat out of the pool for a drink of water. I watched the varsity and upperclassmen swimmers, watching their techniques. I saw you then, smiling and looking up at your coach as they gave you intructions. But every time i saw you freshmen year I just saw your hapiness, your smiles. My eyes were always so blurry, i never saw much else. I wouldnt say I had a crush on you back then. But thats when I first wanted to say hi. Over time, i let you fade to the back of my mind. Swimming wasnt making me happy anymore, I was trying to find what did, and I turned to debate. Threw myself in it, actually. I became impromptu captain at the end of the year. I gradually built a reputation as someone who was very smart and intelligent, but acted rather idiotic and carefree. I stayed out of the drama.
My sophmore year, I quit the swim team. Why do something that doesnt make you happy? But you joined debate. At first I didnt recognise you, but I remember looking into your eyes and being stunned. It was like when you are hiking and you stumble across some mini waterfall, and its kind of cold out so theres some icy chunks crashing against the rocks at the bottom. It was like the slippery moss that you felt on your feet when you decided to try and climb the cliff on the side of the waterfall. A peaceful wildness. When you do make it to the top and the breeze that brings in the snow plays with your hair. Thats what it feels like to look into your eyes. Sometimes when you talk to me I forget how to breathe, I forget what I was going to say. Everyone else just fades away. When you hug me I worry you can hear my heart beat accelerating. When you sit next to me in debate I pretend to be working so I dont say something embrassing.
I realize its unfair of me to like you so much. I apologize. Im attempting to find ways to make myself happy. I have to do that before I even consider trying and making someone else happy.
