Game Of Thrones... With A Twist

A Game of Thrones - Chapter 13

Nonetheless, Tyrion continued, "When I was ten, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged and... I escaped justice. When I was twelve I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake. I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and honeycomb into a brothel..." 

"Silence!" Tyrion's recounting of his many 'crimes' were interrupted by Lysa Arryn, even as Robyn asked, "What happened next?"

"What do you think you're doing?" Lysa asked imperiously to the small man.

"Confessing my crimes." Tyrion answered innocently. 

That was when Catelyn stepped in, "Lord Tyrion, you are accused of hiring a man to slay my son Bran in his bed, and of conspiring to murder my sister's husband – Lord Jon Arryn, the Hand of the King." Tyrion noticed Lysa slightly pale at that part, which was interesting, but not important at the moment.

Tyrion looked at the two sisters confidently as he spoke, "Oh, I'm very sorry. I don't know anything about all that." Tyrion answered oh-so innocently, much to Catelyn's frustration as the woman refused to believe that she had caught the wrong man.

"You've had your little joke. I trust you enjoyed it." Lysa growled at Tyrion before she turned to the jailor, "Mord, take him back to the dungeon. But this time find him a smaller cell... with a steeper floor." Lysa ordered, madness somewhat clear in her eyes.

"Is this how justice is done in the Vale? You accuse me of crimes, I deny them, so you throw me into a cell to freeze and starve?" Tyrion asked in outrage to every knight and noble in the High Hall.

"Where's it the King's Justice? I am accused and demand a trial!" Tyrion asked as it was his right, much to the slight worry of the Tully sisters as Catelyn glanced at Lysa, who tried to make a comeback scheme for control, "If you're tried and found guilty, then by the king's own laws you will pay with you life." The madwoman snarled.

"I understand the law." Tyrion answered grimly.

"We have no executioner in the Eyrie. Life is more elegant here." Lysa stated to Tyrion before turning to two servants. 

"Open the Moon Door." She commanded as the servants did as they were bid.

Both servants begin moving a giant lever as Robyn clapped gleefully. 

All eyes turned to the center of the High Hall, where a metal door hatch was opened to reveal the sharp rocks at the bottom of the Eyrie, the winds of the Vale blowing through Tyrion's hair as a direct result of merely opening.

"You want a trial, my Lord Lannister. Very well. My son will listen to whatever you have to say, and you will hear his judgment." Just looking at Robyn, Tyrion knew that the halfwit boy was absolutely not his best bet. 

"Then you will leave... by one door or the other." Lysa finished, confident that she had regained control of the court with the fear and loyalty her husband's name still instilled within the Lords of the Vale.

"No need to bother Lord Robyn. I demand a trial by combat." Tyrion stated calmly, even as the hall burst into laughter... save for the Tully sisters who glanced at each other.

"You have that right." Lysa spat, obviously not willing to lose control. 

"My lady, I beg the honor. Let me be your champion." One knight offered his blade with a condescending look at the Imp. 

"The honor should be mine. For the love I bore your lord husband... let me avenge his death." Spoke another older knight than the first.

"I'll fight for you, my lady." Another knight offered.