If Only

Chapter Seventeen: Unveiling Vulnerability

My eyes averted his once more.

"Please, tell me, Jade, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if I'm pushing too far or if I'm doing the right thing with you, because every time you just... you shut down and leave me utterly perplexed."

"I- I c-c... I can't," I stammered, struggling to find the right words.

He turned his head sharply, his expression a mix of concern and patience.

"You what? You can't what?" his tone gentle.

Since Jared had arrived at my house, this was the first time I felt a genuine fear of meeting his eyes. It was as though I would lose myself if I dared to look into his piercing blue gaze. But the truth was, the only thing holding me back was the mark on my skin, a mark that has been taunting and fueling my insecurities for years.

I had never wanted anyone to lay eyes on this, and nobody outside of my family had ever seen it. In fact, I had kept it hidden even from them.

The truth was, I was terrified – terrified of letting Jared see it. What if he found it repulsive, causing him to decide that whatever connection we shared was no longer worth pursuing? The mere thought of it was unbearable.

"You don't understand, Jared," I whispered as I brushed aside a loose strand of hair that had fallen onto my face, avoiding his gaze.

"Tell me so I can understand. I won't be able to help if you don't tell me what's wrong," he leaned closer, his fingers gently grazing my wrist before I instinctively withdrew my hand, still refusing to meet his eyes.

"Is it something I did? Did I make a mistake?" I could sense a hint of disappointment in his voice, and I felt a pang of guilt.

"No, no, it's not your fault. It's me, not you..."

"Then what is it?" he pressed on, displaying unusual patience. I could tell he was struggling to keep pace with my emotions. Normally, Jared would have lost his patience by now with anyone else. But he was making an effort to stay composed, just for me.

For a brief moment, I turned my gaze toward him before quickly averting my eyes and staring down at my lap. "I-I just... It's something I never wanted anyone to see..."

"Even me?" His voice carried a trace of hurt, and I rushed to reassure him.

"No... especially you..." My hand instinctively reached out to touch his jaw, conveying my trust.

"Then let me see whatever you're hiding."

I was taken aback by his calm demeanor. I had to lock eyes with him again just to ensure I had heard him correctly.

"I-I don't think it's a good idea... I'm not sure you'd want to see it." I explained, my voice barely above a whisper, my desire for silence growing stronger.

Yet Jared persisted, gently cupping my cheeks with both hands, his touch tender but insistent, compelling me to meet his gaze.

"Give me a chance..." He spoke softly, locking eyes with me, and the way he transmitted that electric current through my entire being with a mere stare was almost unbearable.

I was gripped by fear, a deep, gnawing fear that he would change his mind and abandon me, and the thought was almost enough to make tears well up.

"I... I just didn't want you to leave... I'm scared you might... that you might leave me when you'd see this," I confessed, my voice trembling.

He still looked puzzled, his eyes searching for answers.

"I don't know what you're trying to cover up, but please... I don't beg, Jade. I'm not one to beg, but for the sake of this, please, let me see..." His voice, uncharacteristically gentle and comforting, reached deep inside me.