Ambition || Harry Styles

*27*

He smiles softly before adding, "And to be honest, he mustn't have been fucking you right if you never wanted it." He smirks and I gasp as my cheeks heat in time with my core clenching.

He cackles in the air at his ability to make me uncomfortable, mumbling a "prude" into the air before he stands and drags me towards the couch.

Flopping onto the white fabric he pulls me down to sit with him and I fight down the urge to wash the dishes beforehand.

He kicks his boots off and curls his legs around my cross legged figure next to him.

As we sit face to face, his hands resting on my knees and every cell in my body on high alert, I can see the dark circles around his eyes giving away just how exhausted he really is.

"Do you want some wine or ...tea?" I suggest with a little shrug, not wanting him to leave yet but noticing his blinking already slowing.

"Tea would be great." 

Placing the hot pot of tea on the coffee table I resume my cross legged position between his knees while it cools.  "So, how was New York? Meet interesting people?" I try my best to get some information now that he has opened up a fraction. 

He takes in a deep breath, deliberating more than what he needs to for such a simple, work-related question.

"Umm, kinda," he swallows hard and I don't move in anticipation that he might expand a little. "I'm... conflicted," is all he says, his brow furrowing and the look on his face clear that his conscious is colliding with whatever decision is causing him to be so unsettled.

"Can I help?" I offer while he drags his bottom lip down with a finger and thumb and I try not to let the thought of how it would feel drawing across my skin distract me.

Harry squints as if to examine the prospect of divulging information and finally mumbles, "Alright, what would you do..." he starts ambiguously.

I sit up straighter to show my piqued attention, slightly terrified of whatever he is about to reveal but desperate for more.

"What would you do, if work you were doing was positive for you but impacted other people negatively?" he drags out each word, choosing them carefully and examining every corner of my expression as he speaks.

"Is it illegal?" I blurt out the first question that comes into my mind.

He shakes his head, "No, but maybe not overly ethical."

I shrug and try to give him my honest opinion.

"Business is business, Harry. If you are doing things by the book and out smart someone, then it's fair game."

He puckers his lips as his eyes dart to search mine.

"What if it effects people, well someone, you... love?" he chokes out, insecurity and uncertainty flashing across his features and it's the first time I've seen him look so vulnerable. I try and quell the pang of jealousy I feel for whoever is special enough to be on the receiving end of his admiration. 

I snort out a laugh and he is taken by surprise.

"Well, I can't help you there, Styles. I don't love anyone."

Except you, I think but don't say.

"You don't love your dad? Your brothers?" he questions in disbelief.

I press my palm down into my chest when the sharp pain shoots through my ribcage.

The creases between his brows etch a little deeper as his eyes flicker to my hand and his chin twitches upward in unexplainable sympathy.

Defensive, without reason or awareness, I cross my arms.

"I love the opportunity he has given me," I tell him honestly and Harry's attention snaps back. "And I loved the woman he married," I swallow back the instant lump in my throat at the thought of my mother. "However, I think for my own sanity, and maybe only for the sake of dreaming..." 

I shake my head as my mind fumbles and Harry's hands find their way back to my knees as silent encouragement to continue.  

"I'd like to keep the glimmer of hope alive that love is kinder than what my dad gives me. I feel like it should be selfless, unwavering, forgiving and maybe just a little bit more supportive. I don't think love should be judgmental or that you should have to question it."

His lips part to speak but I cut him off to add one final thought, "And I think you know by now that I'm all or nothing.  If you treat me like that, don't expect my love in return."

He's looking me square in the eye as we both talk about love, me and the man who thinks getting married is too cookie cutter and I then recognise that this is the blind leading the blind.

I literally bite my tongue at the realisation of how much I have opened up, my teeth hook into my bottom lip and his gaze darts to my mouth as his lips remain parted.

I'm alarmingly aware of my candidness in front of a man who has never given me anything of the sort and automatically my spine straightens as his brow twitches into a momentary frown at my sudden impassive position.

My chilly change in behaviour makes him run a hand through his hair before he asks, "Did you..." he clears his throat. "Did you love Adam?"

"Yes, I did, and he treated me like shit, so maybe I'm just all talk," I raise an eyebrow but there is no humour in my tone.

"Or, maybe you had to make the mistake once to learn the lesson?" he says seriously.

"What lesson is that?" I say coldly, knowing what's coming.

"Don't love someone who doesn't love you back," his voice is barely above a whisper.

"You'd think so."