“The Post Office has really upped its game,” John Green said, as he, Hank, Katherine, and Benedict Cumberbatch stood on the New Jersey coastline. “And so have the airlines, and . . .”
YOU DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN FANFIC PLOTHOLES. Hank Green said.
Hank was in his portable hot tub.
“But won’t people think it’s weird that we were all in different places and now we’re here?” asked John. “In a book, I’d have to explain that.”
I’M NOT SAYING FANFIC DOESN’T MAKE SENSE, BECAUSE A LOT OF IT DOES, BUT FANDOM LOVE CAN FILL IN THE GAPS. USUALLY WITH MAKING OUT.
Katherine nodded in solemn agreement. Benedict Cumberbatch clutched at a bag of Doritos and stared at the sea.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “Why are we at this swimming pool? Is this part of Moriarty's plan? John, get down. GET DOWN!”
Benedict Cumberbatch dove for John Green and missed, landing face-first in the sand.
“So does this thing work?” John Green said. The inflatable submarine had been inflated and was bobbing merrily while tied up to a dock.
SURE.
“It’s still floating.”
KATHERINE HAS TO PUT THE ENGINE IN AND ALL THE OTHER STUFF.
Katherine had, in fact, strode off to meet the mail truck that was arriving with many If-It-Fits-It-Ships boxes.
“Lestrade,” Benedict Cumberbatch mumbled into the sand. “Lestrade. Where is Lestrade? Damn my cheekbones!”
Katherine removed a submarine engine from one of the boxes and put in into the submarine, which sank a bit.
“Where did you get a submarine engine?” John Green asked.
THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW.
Katherine put in the chairs and all the other submarine parts while Benedict Cumberbatch chased a crab down the beach.
HEY, JOHN, Hank said. WHEN WE WERE KIDS, DID YOU EVER THINK WE’D END UP HERE, ON A BEACH WITH BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, ABOUT TO GO ON A MAGICAL JOURNEY IN AN INFLATIBLE SUBMARINE?
“No,” said John Green.
ME EITHER. IT PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN WEIRD IF WE HAD.
“Crabs!” cried Benedict Cumberbatch, chasing more crabs.
HE REALLY LIKES THOSE CRABS. LOOK, HE’S TRYING TO PUT ONE IN HIS POCKET. OH . . . THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HURT. OH LOOK. KATHERINE IS WAVING. THE SUBMARINE IS READY.
“Are you sure this is going to work?” asked John Green.
AS SURE AS I CAN BE OF ANYTHING.
“How sure is that?”
LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO SAVE SHERLOCK OR NOT?
“You’re right,” John Green said, sighing. “I’ll go and get him.”
John Green had to chase Benedict Cumberbatch up and down the beach several times, then he had to pick all the crabs off of Benedict Cumberbatch.
“This way,” John Green said, pushing Benedict Cumberbatch to the submarine.
“Where are we going?” Benedict Cumberbatch asked, his voice full of suspicion.
“Under the sea.”
“Why?”
“To . . . catch Moriarty?”
Benedict Cumberbatch stared for a moment.
“Yes, all right,” he said. He climbed into the submarine, which sank a little further.
HE’S VERY TRUSTING, Hank Green said.
“I know,” said John Green.
HE LIKES YOU, Hank Green said.
“I guess.”
NO, HE *LIKE* LIKES YOU.
“No he doesn’t.”
HE DOES. I CAN SEE IT IN HIS TINY LITTLE EYES.
Katherine appeared in the hatch and nodded her solemn agreement.
KATHERINE THINKS SO TOO. SHE SAYS THAT YOU TWO ARE GOING TO END UP MAKING OUT IN THIS SUBMARINE.
“That’s not going to happen,” John Green said.
He nervously ran his hand through his hair in a way that made Hank smile. Katherine gave a thumbs-up.
“What?” John Green said.
YOU ARE READING
A STUDY IN SINK
FanfictionOne day, author John Green finds Benedict Cumberbatch hiding in his office. Many of us would be happy with that. But what do you do when Benedict is convinced he is Sherlock, and that the television show Sherlock is a ruse set up by Moriarty and mus...
