angel. h.s ✔️

thirty two.

"It's old." Sunshine shrugged and I raised one eyebrow at her answer.

"What size is that?" I asked, watching her shrug it off so we could both see the neck. But my eyes zeroed in on her now bare arms. Zeroed in on the several small round purple scars.

"What is that?" I demanded, my hand latching around the arm closest to me as I raised it slightly making Sunshine drop her cardigan. Just like Monday her skin was like velvet against mine.

I had an idea of what they were, I wasn't stupid, but I wanted to her to say it out aloud to confirm my thoughts.

"Scars." Sunshine spoke as if I was stupid as removed her arm from my grip and I forced myself to not roll my eyes at her. Or miss the contact we'd previously had.

"From what?"

"Harry."

"Sunshine."

It amused me to no end that she tried that whenever she doesn't want to answer a question. As if she thinks that saying my name in a certain tone would make me drop the topic, surely she must know me better than that by now.

"Cigarette burns. Tommy."

I gritted my teeth at her statement almost regretting making her say it aloud but I just nodded curtly and looked back to the clothing in her lap and plucked it up. My eyes drifting over the label, at least I knew the jumper I'd got her would fit.

"Fourteen." I said and Sunshine nodded.

"Sounds about right."

If a fourteen was that big on her, what size was she now? Was a fourteen average sized or was that fat? I had no idea considering I mostly concentrated on getting girls out of their clothes.

"Francesca asked me if you'd stopped eating again."

I sometimes wondered how Sunshine put up with me and my big mouth, I wasn't trying to offend her, I just liked hearing her talk.

"Ah yes, I'd forgotten about your delight of a friendship." She clicked her tongue as I raised an eyebrow.

"Jealous Sunshine?"

"What would I be jealous about? You're my best friend aren't you?" She almost sounded smug.

"And you mine."

I watched as her face turned red. I had realised she was wearing less makeup than usual, something she had been doing a lot around me lately. The Sunshine next to me is a completely different one I'd met two months ago and I couldn't have been happier about it.

"We were talking about you."

"You talk about me? How cringeworthy." She still hated being the centre of attention however.

"You're our only common ground. I don't like her all that much considering how much she disrespects me." I said honestly.

"Disrespects you?" Sunshine snorted, making me purse my lips. "Fran seems mean but underneath it all she's nice, I promise."

I snorted not believing a word leaving her mouth as I spread more cheese onto the piece of bread I was holding. I'd spent a grand total of four different times with Francesca and Niall and I still didn't see what he saw in her, apart from her tits.

That was a good rack.

"I used to be a lot fatter so thats why a lot of my clothes are big. Because they're old." Sunshine said and shrugged. I knew that, Francesca had told me.

"You're not now."

"I'm not?"

I frowned not expecting her response; wasn't that what girls always wanted to hear?

I almost snapped at her; obviously, she wasn't fat now. In fact I sometimes worried that she would disappear if she turned sideways, that and the fact I had no idea how her twig legs managed to keep her upright.

"Do you think you are?" I asked, rubbing my jaw. I didn't want to upset her but I didn't know if that was the right thing to ask? I'd never asked anyone that before and she'd already thrown me from my go to lines of 'you look hot in that' and 'you're not fat.'

"I don't know," Sunshine paused and frowned in sync with me.

"I don't know what I look like. What I see in my mind is different to what I see in the mirror and what I assumed other people see and I don't know what which one is the real me."

How did you not know what you looked like? That was fucking stupid, obviously what you saw in the mirror was real.

"I don't get it." I admitted watching as Sunshine's eyes flicked around the room before resting on me and she flinched as she met my eyes before looking away again. Still had to work on that.

"Never mind." Sunshine muttered and I felt the atmosphere shift and I cursed myself for being a dickhead.

"This has been the best Christmas I've ever had."

It was true and now that I had upset her I felt the panicked need to voice my appreciation. I saw Sunshine glance at me before she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and I groaned inwardly. She had no idea what she did to me.

"Same here." Sunshine finally spoke. "Thank you H."

"No need to thank me, it's been my pleasure." I smiled at her making her smile back at me.

My heart thudded inside my chest, and for that brief moment all I could see was her and that was all I needed. I didn't worry about the fact I had to lay into Chris Fisher for leaking information about our shipments to people in Holloway Greens or the fact Sunshine had a boyfriend.

I didn't have to worry about anything because it was just me and her this Christmas and as my heart thudded in my chest, I knew I didn't just want to fuck her.

I did want to fuck her but I knew I wanted much more than that. I'd never wanted anyone like this before. I'd never even felt like this before.

I didn't really know how I felt but I knew it probably wasn't good if I was this wet for Sunshine simply smiling at me. Also I had to remember that she still did have a boyfriend and although I wasn't above ending him; I couldn't do that to her.

So if she only wanted me as her best friend then that's what I was going to take.

Because cloudy sunshine was better than no sunshine at all.