Little Girl Without A Name

Final Chapter Of Little Girl With No Name

The first time I seen Jake I thought he was a nice man, He seemed nothing like the womanizers that all his other friends were.
He had a history of being a minister in the town he , his wife and kids moved from . He seemed to love his wife and kids and also wanted to clean the town up from all the hard core drugs the older men were doing. My friends and I didn't want a cop coming to our town that hadn't had a cop in decades and really didn't need one for a population of 300 . Let the big wig cops take care of the meth heads and let us continue to be wild and free was our thoughts .

Soon after Jake had moved to town and started patrolling , my dad decided he wanted to take a cleat class and become a cop in the same town because Jake said he need an extra person and told him he should do it . When it comes to my dads friends he normally is the follower and goes along with what they say and want to do . He always tried to fit in everywhere . Maybe letting them have their way with me made them like him more in his wacked out thoughts , I don't know !
With my dad being a cop in town now left me back at home all the time , miserable and depressed . Shirley made me sit in my room all day until bed . Life was back to hell again .
Jake would always come over when his wife was working , he would bring the three kids , have dinner and watch tv with my dad or just chit chat until almost bedtime. He would always joke around with me in a friendly way nothing abnormal just things any grownup would say to a kid .
One day my dad came home from work and told me that Jake and his wife Liz needed a babysitter while they both weren't home and working . It actually excited me because I was stuck again in the house and that gave me something to do .I asked my dad if he was paying me and for some reason it offended him and he told me it didn't matter I was doing it regardless. I had planned on doing it regardless to get out of hell for a little bit but I was just curious . Should have expected a jerk response.

The day came I had to go over and watch the kids , two girls and a boy ages 4, 2 and 6 mths . They were great kids, not the normal chaos of having three young kids at once . The first day Jake had came in for lunch asked me how they were doing and I told him they were doing awesome , No problems . He told me that the next day to have them down for a nap at that same time because it was their normal nap time, so I agreed to it . Nothing abnormal and for a split second I would listen to the way he talked to me and his kids and would wish I had a dad that friendly and involved.
The end of the day came for me to go home and he asked if I wanted a ride I declined I didn't tell him why because I wanted to walk and sneak a smoke on the way .
I got home and my dad was looking at me funny but I didn't think anything of it and went to bed .

The next day I left early and walked to Jake and Liz's house . They both hadn't left yet and were finishing up there coffee and morning routine . They seemed so loving almost a perfect family so I would feel happy around them . Liz left for work she always had to leave an an hour before her shift because of lack of jobs in the tiny Town we lived in, so she had to drive to another town forty five minutes away .
Jake was still there putting on his holster and was happy as usual . He was walking out the door and reminded me to make sure the kids are down for a nap on schedule I just said ok and started playing with the kids .

I laid the kids down and they were asleep faster than I thought they would be . And shortly after Jake arrived for lunch . I was sitting on their couch and was surprised when Jake brought his food in the living room and set right next to me . Their were two other chairs that matched the couch and not only that, the couch was long , why did he have to sit right next to me ?
He started talking and asking me questions like have I ever had a boyfriend, was I seeing a boy in that same town? And even told me he didn't see how my dad made such a pretty girl . I immediately felt uncomfortable because I already knew this routine , maybe not the same actions but it all ended the same way .
I tried to answer his questions and would just laugh when he said something funny in hopes he would think I was to nieve to understand. It didn't work , he started rubbing my back and telling me he likes looking at me . I tried to pull away but he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me back closer to him where he chose to feel everything his disgusting hands could . I finally got loose and said I'm going to the bathroom . When I came out he was relieving his self and finished got up didn't say a word and went back to work .
I was trembling at the thought of what just happened and most of the time I could tell who the monsters were but this time I was completely blinded and oblivious .
Liz got home first she asked how the day was like normal and I told her and got out as fast as I could: I didn't want this to happen again , definitely not by a man I trusted and was supposed to feel safe with alone , it had shown me that day that no one could be trusted and life was nothing but misery with no hope .
I went home went straight to bed still feeling a shakiness inside me that I couldn't get to go away : I had shaken before beatings and a little after them and shaken after a man would have his way with me but I always felt comforted by the thought that someday I will call the police on them or someday they will get caught and go to jail . I couldn't hold on to that thought anymore or feel that comforting feeling because he was the law , he was in control and now I know I'll never be saved or comforted .
I woke up the next morning remembering what happened and immediately started shaking again and that day I realized I was having my first full blown panic attack that wouldn't go away . I couldn't stop the uncomfortable shaking at all . I set down and cried and all the sudden in my head decided I didn't want to live anymore . Flash backs of all the abuse mentally , physically, sexually by everyone that was supposed to love me and protect me . What was the point of living .
I got a knife out of the drawer and a bottle of aspirin out of the cabinet and put them in my shirt so my step mom couldn't see . I got in my room shut the door so scared of what I was about to do , I opened the aspirin bottle and just took all of them without hesitation.... I then immediately became angry and started slashing my arms up and down from my elbow to my wrist on both arms . After the rage went away I laid on my bed and about 20 min of laying there I felt sick to my stomach and cramps like I had never felt before . I immediately started throwing up I couldn't even get up it was coming so fast my step mom came in seen me throwing up and blood running from my arms and immediately called 911.
Guess who was the first to show up , your one and only sheriff predator. When I seen him I was to sick to even care at that moment and he immediately called the ambulance. He set down rubbed my hair and told me he cared for me as his friend and didn't want anything to happen to me .
How can a thirty six year old man and fourteen year old girl be friends?!?
They loaded me in the ambulance and rushed me to the hospital where they pumped my stomach and later on put me on the top floor in the adolescent psychiatric unit . I was there a week, and my dad visited me once . He asked me why I did it but telling him would only make everything worse so I just told him I was depressed and wasn't for sure why .
A week later I came home and my dad told me the next day I was to go babysit again . I felt numb at this point I felt if I can't stop them , if the man who is supposed to protect me because I'm his daughter won't stop it , if now the only type of person I could hope for was going to hurt me and not protect me then I am just not going to care I'm going to let it happen . I'm helpless to the world and no one can save me .
Months went on of babysitting and I lost all my sense of emotion , I couldn't feel anymore and I didn't want to . I didn't feel angry at my dad for popping in as soon as Jake was finished with me and seeing the way we both looked and me seeing it in his eyes that he knew , I didn't feel sad that I had no one anymore, or angry and sad every time Jake was on top of me several times a week just taken what didn't belong to him , I was numb from the inside and out .
Six months of babysitting hell went by when I was sitting at this older ladies house that lived across the street from Jake , she gave me a beer because in that town it wasn't abnormal for the older generation to give us beers or liquor : but I kept drinking until my heart spoke before my brain could think , I blurted out and cried about all of it ; I couldn't even breath because it all came out to her , she immediately called the sheriffs department for the county who were there in twenty minutes .
By time they arrived I had already regretted doing that because my dad was going to take care of me for good I knew it . They showed up at Jakes house and shortly after my dad pulled up at his house . He came across the street and the only words he spoke to me were why did you do this to him ? . He has a family? Meanwhile Liz is outside Jake is handcuffed and she screaming at him why would you do that we have kids .
The police officer put him in the back of the car walked over to us and before he could speak my dad asked him how much his bail was , the officer ignored him and looked at her and I and said he admitted to it . He then looked at my dad walked to his car got on the radio and within thirty minutes DHS was there they told me to grab three days of clothes that I would be back in three days.
Little did I know that was the day I would never live with my dad again , a year later testifying in front of that man and just when you think you defeated a monster their are always a den of them waiting to destroy you .