These Pages Among the Dead

You

Seeing you open up the door after being asleep for hours, just to see me standing there smelling like the movie theater and popcorn. The surprise and confusion lights up your face as a smile full of quick endearment runs across your depressed freckled face. Before I stop myself my arms are wrapped around you as your body tenses up. You realize that it's really me not some poor figment of your lonely imagination. You wrap your arms around me tightly back as you smell my sweaty and smelling like butter hair. I smile and pull away as you pull me inside no questions asked. My heart speeds up due to the point and fact that I haven't really seen nor spoke to you these past two months of unhappiness and hope yet to be restored. So much goes through my brain I can't even explain why I am here. I just got in my car not wanting to go home due to the fact of my mother, and I just drove here subconsciously. Like all the times that I wished I could. So there I was sitting on your couch as you kissed me, held me, laughed with me. Made my heart sore, until I said those three little words. I love you. I knew it would be awkward. I knew you loved me but I wanted to hear them. But it was silly, the chance of you letting yourself get attached when he was still needing you. Josh. He'd always come before me. The thought made me cry. I had to give you up just because he was in love with you and provided you everything. Just to know that you felt the same about me was enough. He needed you more. I could take being on my own I even thought about quitting writing until you said maybe its not your thing. It's always been my release since I ended up in the hospital for overdosing. The scars faded so did the bruises. But the kisses you left on my heart will never fade. You will never fade. Hope for you will never fade. You.