loving in the dark //l.p. fanfiction

when the ashes fly

two

It felt like being trapped in a dark cellar, just that it was considerably smaller, and way more crowded than you would expect a cellar to be. To be trapped with your own thoughts, and nowhere to go, hide, and no way to shut them down.

After being able to regain consciousness, Alexis had just found herself more troubled that she could have ever thought she could be. Being in an induced comma, felt like heaven compared to what she woke to. It was chaos. Pure chaos.  Not being able to see, and she feeling trapped as she could ever thought she could be was complete torture.

In the little time of three days, she had found out terrible news.

During the accident, her lungs had not only received a ridiculous huge amount of smoke and some ribs had been destroyed. Her spleen had been crushed. And the worse of all were not the hours of recovery that were in front of her due to the terrible burns that covered most of her legs. During that accident, she had lost two of the things she loved the most.

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Every one had made sure Alexis could attend the funeral, even if that meant for her the biggest sorrow of her life. The hospital had made sure her house was perfectly eqquipted for receving her the minute the funeral was over. If she was honest, she did not want to attend. She had always found funerals unneccesary, and she thought they were exclusively done for people to suffer more, to give condolences, and to say a last goodbye to someone that was not even there. But even if she thought so, that did not make Alexis to dislike them. She understood the human need for the last goodbye. What happened is that funerals terrified her.

The main reason of her not wanting to attend was that she felt tired. A week after the comma, she did not found herself mentally and physically okay for such pain to rip her chest into pieces.

Alexander made sure she felt comfortable in the wheelchair, as she took her all the way through the soft grass. He had offer Alexis to describe everything with detail, but she had refuse, argummenting that how was she supposed to recite a speech, knowing everything that surrounded her. Alexander could not possibly understand what her sister so firmly said, but he had not try harder. With the years he had learned that it was better not to insist.

Alexis could feel the cold of her brother's ring when he placed his hand in her shoulder, in an assuring way. She was glad he still wore it, but at the same time it hurt her immensly. She could hear the chattering of different voices, and asked her brother for an accurate number of people attending the funeral.

"Approximately 150." was his vague respond. She knew it was more people than Tiffany had contact with, and she hear people she did not even know crying, but that did not bother her, like it did to her brother. She knew that those people felt pain in their hearts, and she was fine with they expressing it.

"Hello, love." Alexis listened to the thick Irish accent she knew too well. A tear of joy slidded down her eyes, which were covered by her big black eye glasses her aunt had purchase for her. She had missed that accent terribly, even though Niall had visit her every day in the hospital.

"I am going to speak to Lorraine and Edward." Alexander softly mentioned before disappearing into the crowd. Niall took control of the wheelchair and drove it next to the first row of chairs. The service was about to begin. Niall tried as hard as he could to make Alexis speak, as he asked her questions about nonimportant subjects.

"Before you continue, can you describe me the flowers?" It was the only request Alexis did during all the time they were there. She knew how much Tiffany loved flowers, and even though it did not matter now, she wanted badly to know.

Niall took his time observing, as he came up with the flower names. "So, there are some white orchids over the podium, where i believe you will speak in a minute. And there are also white lilies where the ashes stand." Alexis was satisfied witht the flower election, knowing there were no flowers Tiffany loved more than orchids.

All of the service went calmy, with only the interruptions of swallowed sobs and cry of pain. She could guess than most of them came from Lorraine, Tiffany's mother, who sat a couple of chairs away from them. Alexis had manage not to cry during the mass, but then her brother was asked to come and say some words. He was the first one to speak. What he said was short, but sure managed to break your heart into as many pieces as possible. With every word he said he understood the profound love Alexander felt for her.

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Melissa, Tiffany's childhood friend, had just spoke about a memory she held. Once, Tiffany had help a little bird that had felt from a tree to return there. And with insitance she did. It was a common example of how Tiffany was someone that fought for the innocents, or so did Melissa said. It perfectly showed how brave and determined she was. As the other people who had just spoke, she spoke about her values and her talents.

She knew that most people had not been present in Tiffany's last six years of life, and she noticed how most of them had no idea of who they were talking about. They had just taken a simply story and turned it into a heroic act. But it did not bother Alexis at all. She knew the urge that people had to connect with the idea of Tiffany they once had.

The last person scheduled to speak was Alexis, which was after Melissa. She did not wanted Melissa to end, because she was terrified with the fact of having to face a crowd of expectant people, waiting for a finale.

Someone, who Alexis couldn't recognize offered to help her reach the podium but she rejected the help. Slowly, she stood up, her legs weak, and fragile, not being used in a week. She was able to reach the podium, where Niall hurried to help her up. He guided her, placing the microphone on place. Alexis took a big breath before beggining.

"I know all of you are here, waiting for me to speak marvelously about Tiffany, how selfless she was, and how lovely and pure her soul was. But I'm not going to do so. Tiffany was selfless, she was lovely, and she was pure. She had countless qualities, some which few people can boast about having on their lifetime. I was considered to be her best friend, and I feel like I knew her from more than a lifetime. But I am going to speak about her greatest quality and her greatest fault, to turn out to be a single thing. " Alexis shared a small sad smile before continuing.

" Tiffany was humane. She was the most humane person that has ever walked on Earth. She understood people as little do, and she knew when to say what. She didn't know how to hide her feelings. She felt too much. She was too comprehensive and too loving. She had a pure way of smiling," By then Alexis was already a sea of tears. She tried to go on as fast as she could. "She had a sparkle of life everytime she talked about the things she loved.

"She also had fears. Fears that were as human as they could be. She was not afraid of heights, but she was afraid of lose. She was not afraid of clowns, but she was afraid of pain. There are a lot of things, that I would wish to have live with her. I desired to go to her wedding. I desired to become an aunt. But I believe they are no longer possible. To conclude this, I know it is not possible for Tiffany to get more days that the ones she got, but the few ones she received, where the best days a human being could have lived." Just as she finish, Alexis felt a knot in her chest growing inside of her, making her cry even harder.

She felt Edward behind her, speaking about things Alexis was not really placing any attention to. The only thing she could get out was if she could scatter Tiffany's ashes. She felt extremely proud to be the one to do such sacred thing. And then she understood. No one else had the strength to let go completely of Tiffany. Nobody, nor her Mom, Dad, or fiancee could.

They opened the urn where the ashes were contained, and asked her to let go of them, to grab a fist and let the wind take them away. She did not even ask where was she freeing them. She would just want to imagine that it was in a beautiful meadow, with singing birds, like Tiffany would have wanted.

With terrible pain, she opened her fist.

And that's when the ashes flied.