Lao Tzu Was Right

Algernon and me are kind uv'a package deal

We both got our brains operated on

Them doc's must be a bun short of a meal

Thinking I can't ever beat Algernon

Cause he ain't nothin but a big white rat

He's never had a real job like me

Where I get to wear this big white hat

And keep the floors clean in this bakery

Me'n Algie are part of a science "speriment"

Doc's say we'll both get a whole lot smarter

When doc's say they upped our brains' contents

My amigos at the bakery just snicker harder

Those guys at work kid me a lot of the time

Give me nicknames I don't always understand

Like "Charlie Squirrelly" and "Old-Half-a-Mind"

They joke, "Chuckie's got a bad wiring diagram"

The doc's let me take care of Algernon

I keep him in a cage in my apartment

I feed him and keep him safe and warm

Doc's say it's good for my "development"

Doc's put me and Algie thru a maze sometimes

So far he has always won

Maybe cause he gets cheese at the finish line

And to date, my reward's always been none

Doc's say It's because of the timing of our surgery

See, they operated on Algernon first

And so far he's a whole lot smarter'n me

But doc's think soon it's gonna be reversed

Alice has been trying to learn me to read

Twice a week I see her at night school

Alice says keep tryin and we'll succeed

I was beginning to think her pupil was a fool

But last night the book suddenly made sense

I finally got the plot of  "Three Billy Goats Gruff"

Boy, Alice looked good in those tight pants

Wonder if her boyfriend kisses her enough

I'd never even thought of her as a woman

She seemed startled at my new appreciation

Slapped me hard when I tried to come on

Said she wasn't interested in boy-girl relations

Relented after seeing how I'd progressed

Suddenly she and I became an exclusive item

Eventually, she even hesitantly professed

Eternal love for her mentally enhanced icon  

At work today, the boys tried to play a trick

Told me to run a machine none of them ever could

Figured I'd fail too because I'd always been so thick

Were p.o.'d when I made it run as it should

Now the guys no longer  want me around

Asked management to kick me off my job

Seemed scared of me, crazy as that sounds

I quit before my presence became a prob

Daily more and more for me is clarified

Doctors say my IQ may have been quadrupled

My new mental capacity as them stupified

My review of their work has me highly troubled

I know now that their solution cannot last

Their surgery does less good than it does harm

As Lao Tzu warned in dim ages past

What burns twice as bright lasts only half as long

Last week Algernon suddenly  sickened and died

I buried my rodent companion in my backyard

Lately, feels like my own circuits are getting fried

I suspect I'll soon again be labeled a retard

I won't stay to be subject to pity or ridicule

Before inevitability, I'm going to be moving on

Left a request that someone from my old night school

Occasionally put flowers on the grave of Algernon