I'm Hoping That God Looks Away

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"And his tears could fall unwanted on his sheet, but his sobs were so gentle that they did not shake the bed, so quiet they could not be heard. But the ache was there, thick in his throat and the front of his face, hot in his chest and in his eyes. I want to go home."

-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game

•••••

I woke up next to Vic, who was checking his Twitter. He noticed me shifting, and smiled down at me.

"How'd you sleep?" He said softly. All it did was pour gas on the flames.

"Fine." I snapped, laying my head back down on the pillow.

He reached out to stroke my cheek, but I sent him daggers with my eyes. He drew his hand back sheepishly.

A loud clap of thunder shook the house. The rain pelted against the window, streams of water rushing down the pane.

Tony popped his head in the doorway. "Vic. Band meeting. C'mon."

Vic sighed and put down his phone. "I'll be right back." He mumbled. I stared at him, my expression soft. His eyes looked sad.

He locked the door. I laughed at myself for thinking he trusted me. I heard their muffled voices come in through the wood from the other side. They weren't trying to be quiet at all.

"How's she doing?" Jaime asked.

"She's so fucking scared. She cried for hours last night. Even when she stopped crying, she was shaking. I tried to hold her, but she just shook even more. She's so damn terrified, and I hate it." Vic sounded deflated. He took a deep breath. "She just wants to go home, guys."

"Vic, we feel for her. We really do. I can't imagine being in her shoes right now. I'd want the same thing. But that's not really an option right now." Tony said, sounding just as exasperated as Vic.

"Staying here isn't really an option anymore either." Jaime sighed. "We got a call about the screaming last night. I just told them it was a movie that we had on too loud. We can't stay here."

My heart pounded at the thought of moving. My chances of getting out would be reduced from little to none if we moved to a place I wasn't familiar with.

"Chris has a vacation home in the mountains. We could go there." Mike suggested. "Of course, we'd have to tell him what happened."

"It's our best shot." Vic sighed. His voice sounded distant. I heard a shuffle of feet move away from the door. Jaime and Mike's voices faded.

"Vic, she's scared. Don't think that a hug will fix any of what we've done to her already. It takes time." Tony tried to reassure his friend.

I shook my head. Did Vic really think that I'd ever get comfortable with them?

The door opened back up, and I pretended to be very interested in the scars on my wrists from the rope. Vic gave me another sad look.

"That looks bad." He took my hand gently and examined the cuts.

"I've had worse." I muttered, not interested in making conversation.

"Next time, we won't do it so tightly. We were panicked and didn't mean to hurt you."

Next time? There would be a next time? I mentally slapped myself after remembering the plan of moving.

As if he read my thoughts, Vic reached out and cupped my face with his hands. "I'm sorry, Bethany. But it's just too risky." He leaned down and kissed my forehead lightly. His touch sickened me.

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