The Virtuoso and the Song

Insanity

"I live like a man struggling in hell,
Enduring pain none could compare,
But even in this place of despair,
There's a ray of light shining over my hair."

"But losing in the Fog of Doubt and Reverie,
In my companions' skirt, I become clingy,
Who cares? It doesn't matter to me,
All I see is Discord and no harmony."

"Leveling up to increase Insanity,
A light heart but in a dark body,
A fool and Coward, longing for the light,
But still, darkness all I see in sight."

"Well... that makes sense." said Jan to himself.

But something came through his mind. As he remember what happened in the past. So he took his phone and looked at the messages of.

-Flash back-

Jan : You said you weren't gonna leave... But why are you doing this?!"

Jiya : Sorry Jan hindi talaga kita mahal. At hinding-hindi kita pwedeng mahalin 🙂

Jan became speechless and afterwards Jiya message her.

Jiya: Eto na yung last chat ko sayo... Goodbye 😊

-End of Flash back-

Jan suddenly stop as his tears fall off on the floor and everything around him went pitch black. Having Despair in that moment. He blame himself and whispered.

"What do I lack? Make me understand... Make me... Understand..."

Aries had been trying to call Jan several times when Jan didn't notice that he was staring at his phone for almost half a minute.

"Hoy Jan! Natulala ka nanaman. Ano ba yang binabasa mo bat nagdadrama ka nanaman diyan?"

"I wanna die so hard that I would suddenly be shattered piece by piece."

"Men magising ka nga sa katotohanan! Bakit mo ba inaalala yung babaeng yun?! Alam mo naman na pinagpusatahan kalang diba?!"

"I just don't know what to do. I want to know the reason why all of a sudden... Kung bakit niya ginawa sakin yun."

"Hay nako. Ayaw mo talaga makinig noh? Hindi mo kailangan alamin Jan."

"Hindi ko namalayan na 10 pm na pala. Umuwi kana sigurado mapapagalitan ka nanaman ng nanay mo."

"Sure... Just what I expected. Nangyayari naman palagi yan. Btw salamat sa magandang usapan. Alis na ako."

Jan had to leave and say goodbye to aries. He began to think about Jiya as he was riding a jeep going home. When the Jeepney stopped at a red light near the toy store. He saw a cute Panda bear.

"It's Jiya's favorite stuff toy." Jan said to himself.

He suddenly remembered the time he said that he would one day buy a huge Panda bear for Jiya's Birthday.

Jan was able to return home by 11:00 pm and as usual, her mother scolded him.

Actually, Jan always gets scolded whenever he comes back from his friends' houses. When he went to his room, he locked the door and he immediately climbed the window and went to the balcony.

"Why is this happening? Every single day... Walang pagbabago... Bakit ba palagi akong inaayawan ng tao. Ano ba naging kasalanan ko kung nagmahal lang naman ako? Never akong nakarinig ng compliments... Always nakakarinig ng reklamo. I wish to..." Jan couldn't finish his sentence when someone heard a familiar voice.

"Do you wish to die already?"

He was shocked when he saw his older brother, marlon.

"Bakit ka nandito Marlon?!"

"Isn't it obvious? Hindi lang ikaw ang naghahanap ng mga sagot sa tanong." Said Marlon.

"Kuya pwede bang iwanan mo muna ako dito?" Jan nervously asked.

"The question that you should be considering is who are you to them? Ask them."

"Bakit mo sinasabi sakin to?"

"Ofcourse I should tell you this information. You didn't even notice that curiosity hits you already."

"Kuya... Natatakot lang kasi ako."

"Saan ka ba natatakot? Ang mawala ang mga kaibigan mo or ikaw mismo ang nawala? Look Jan, I know you're smart enough to choose a stupid decision. Funny isn't it? You're making fun of yourself. You try to pity yourself in order to be pity by others."

"Kuya please wag naman gan..."

"Shut it! It is important for you to realize how to listen to the warnings of others! It's not a stupid bluff."

Jan is speechless so he manage to listen to his older brother.

"As I can see through my observation, You were easily attach to your friends or should I say Fake friends. You should know how to let people go."

As marlon was about to leave the room, He gave Jan one last piece of advice.

"The best way to not lose yourself is learning how to be detached."

And marlon left the room.

Jan went back inside his room. He overthought so much that he could do nothing but lay down in his bed.  He checked his phone and was shocked to find a message from his other childhood friend, Flauschivia.
Flauschivia  is one of Jan's more empathetic and gentle friend. She was less harsh towards Jan when it comes to giving him advice compared to his older brother, Marlon.

Flauschivia: Uy Jan! Kamusta ka :)))?

Jan: I'm fine... Palagi naman...

Flauschivia: Sabihin monaaa.

Jan: Ano kasi... Mukhang naloko nanaman ako...

Flauschivia: Oh bakit? Anong nangyari? Sino yun?"

Jan: Ahh... It's Jiya... It's just that... How can I say this... Hindi ko kasi talaga tanggap yung nangyari hanggang ngayon...

Flauschivia: For now, you can't accept it but in the meantime; as the time passed by, you'll be alright.

Jan: I hope so... Nakakalungkot talaga as in...

Flauschivia: Jan, okay lang na maging malungkot ka lang sa ngayon. Pero sana sa mga susunod na araw masaya ka na

Jan: Sana nga...

Flauschivia: Basta kapag malungkot ka pa din bukas, chat ka langggg. Ill be there to make u smile oki?

Jan: Salamat Via 😌😊

The was the last message he sent. He kept in mind what Via told him and it gave him an important reminder to just stay positive regardless of his shortcomings. He fell asleep knowing that tomorrow will be another day for him.