Mistakes

chapter 1

The door slammed, you just left in the middle of the conversation. I tried to mutter out the words don't go, but they wouldn't  come out. Maybe its okay you left like that. I popped open another bottle, third one of the week, it's getting out of control, I don't care anymore; it's all I have. I pour it, the dark brown spills into the cup, hitting the bottom and then splashing up, it almost looks like the polluted river water down the road. It's not much different than the water, I'm just polluting my body instead. I take the first sip of the day, it doesn't even burn anymore, it's almost like drinking water. I finish the glass and pour another, after that one I just decided to start drinking from the bottle, it doesn't even matter anymore.
    I wake up to a banging at the door, it's almost pulsating much like my head. Stumbling to the door I finally get there, the banging is only getting louder and the pulsating in my head much worse, reluctantly I open it. Its you. I stare into your deep dark brown eyes, the clouds moved and the light hit them just right so they would turn that deep amber color. It reminded me of fall, and so did you.
"Hey," I finally mutter out, "where've you been?".
"It doesn't matter." she sighed,
"Although, I do think we should take a break..." she paused, "I hope that's okay." she turned away.
"Oh," my stomach fell to the floor, the blood drained from my face, "That's alright, I understand."
"You're just getting really sick again, and I can't be around that." she wasn't wrong I was getting bad again. Then she said it, the words I had been dreading "I still love you, it's going to be hard for me after this." Her head dropped, she turned away.
"I should get going, it's getting dark."
"Okay. See you around." Shutting the door, I thought I felt empty before but this is something new, its different, its more like hollow. I guess I'll make another drink, nothing really matters now, I really am all alone. I watched the evening sky from my dirty window, it was red, then melted into a crimson like color. I hung the dirty sheet back over it, I didn't want to be bothered in the morning, I knew it was going to hurt.