10 things I want to do before I die

1. Tell FP the truth about my diagnosis"

When I left the hospital, I got into the car and leaned my hands on the steering wheel. I just found out that doctors suspect that I have breast cancer and I have to undergo specialist tests to exclude or confirm it.

I took a deep breath. The moment I heard the diagnosis, I planned things in my head that I would want to do before my final sentence - death.

I took out a piece of paper from my bag and read the first point, "Tell FP the truth about my diagnosis." I decided that he should know this because he was the only person who would be useful for my next points on the list. And he was the only person I trust the most.

I pulled a phone out of my coat pocket and dialed the FP's number. Now I was overcome by stress, because I haven't talked to him since I told him about our dead child.

"Alice?" I heard his sleepy voice. How is it possible that this man slept at 3 pm?

"Did I wake you up?" I asked and bit my lip. I felt embarrassed that I called him.

"I've just got back from work and wanted to sleep, but that's okey." he answered, and I swallowed.

"I'm sorry, FP." I said and closed my eyes because I felt tears in my eyes. I sighed heavily, and my body began to shake with stress, fear and emotion.

"Alice, what happened?" the calm FP's voice made me cry softly.

"Forget I called, FP. Go to sleep," I said and hang up.

I didn't want to go home. I didn't know how I would look into Betty's eyes and tell her that I probably have a cancer.

I turned on my car and drove to Southside. I decided to go to Whyte Wyrm, because I needed somebody's company, and I knew that the right man to talk at the moment was Hog Eye.

I parked in the parking lot and got out of the car. As I expected, no one was there because it was too early to drink. I went inside and sighed quietly when I looked around the familiar room where I spent almost my entire teenage life.

"You always come here when something bad happens, Alice," I heard the voice of Hog Eye from behind the counter and I smiled slightly. I waved to him and went to the bar.

"How do you know me well?" I said with a smile and sat down at the chair.

"Do you want to talk to a qualified psychologist?" Hog Eye smiled and I nodded.

"You are a hopeless psychologist, Hog Eye," I replied and put my elbows on the counter. Then I joined my hands and put my chin on it.

"But I'm a good bartender," he answered

"That's true," I said with sadness in my voice.

"Oh, I see that" he stood in front of me with a bottle of whiskey in his hand and looked at me.

"What do you see?" I asked, stealthily wiping a tear from my eye.

"That you will cry right away" he pulled a glass from under the counter and placed it in front of me. He poured whiskey and gave it to me. With a smile of gratitude, I grabbed a glass and drank all whiskey. It made me feel better for a while.

"Well, what's wrong with you?" he asked and began wiping beer mugs.

"Momentary breakdown" I lied and shrugged, looking at the empty glass.

"You're hiding something, but I know how to get it out of you" he sighed heavily, and I looked up at him.

"How?" I asked slightly annoyed by his behavior. He merely smiled under his breath and poured whiskey into my glass again.