Just a letter away {Tododeku}

Chapter 11

*Todoroki's POV*
Todoroki felt bad for Deku, he didn't want Deku wasting away his days with him... Todoroki was sure that Deku would have zero interest in a man like himself. There was no question about it. Todoroki knew he was unimportant. He just knew it. I need to cut, Todoroki thought solemnly. His eyes watered and he glanced around the room. Linoleum Tile lined the floor, it's cool feeling tickling Todoroki's feet.  Todorki knew even if he wanted to he couldn't leave, it just wasn't possible, so he sat back on the stiff mattress-like bed he slept in. Todoroki wanted to keep his mind clear just for the night, he wanted to feel normal, even for a moment. Todoroki's eyes scanned the room, searching for something, anything, to give him the release he oh so craved. He sighed after a moment knowing internally that he would find absolutely nothing. He was wrong. Todoroki's eyes settled on a paperclip in the corner of the desk that was in the corner of his room. The paperclip had been holding together many of his papers that he would most likely need for when he was discharged if I am ever discharged, he thought bitterly. Todoroki made his way over to the small metal object and lifted it slowly, he eyed it curiously wondering how deep he could dig into himself. Todoroki turned back around and sat in the bed he was confined to for most of the day. He held the paperclip tightly and looked to his arm,  it was still covered in those messages that he and Deku had exchanged. Todoroki's eyes watered and he put his arm down, he would have to use a different part of his body this time around. Todoroki stood up and walked slowly over to the bathroom in the corner of his room. As he walked inside he removed the t-shirt he had been wearing and he looked at himself in the mirror. I am a failure, that's what he tells me every day, every waking moment I know I am a failure dad, Todoroki took the paperclip and began to tear at the skin of his stomach and chest. He watched silently as little beads of red rolled down his skin. Todorki felt distanced from reality and, for a moment, he felt normal. "I missed this," Todoroki mumbled softly. He slipped his shirt back on and went back into the room, after licking the paperclip clean of his blood and drying it with the corner of his shirt he reattached it to the papers. 

A soft knocking came from the door. "Come in," Todorki said hesitantly.

"Hey, Todoroki!" Deku exclaimed walking in, his signature smile plastered across his face.

"Hey, Deku," Todoroki offered a soft sort of smile that Deku happily accepted, "Why did you stop by so late?" Todoroki wasn't lying, it was almost 9:30 and visiting hours would be over at 10.

"Oh, I stopped by a few stores before coming here I'm so sorry for being late Todoroki-kun," Deku looked down at his feet and twisted them slightly into the soft green tiled floor; his smile had faded back to wherever he kept it. Deku kept his hands clasped tightly behind his back.

"It's alright Deku I don't mind, really," Todoroki said matter-a-factly.

"Well, while I was out I got you a present!" Deku shouted slightly, he beamed with pride and added quickly, "I hope you like it, but its okay if you don't not a big deal." Todoroki looked slightly confused and Deku held out his hands, in them, there was a small kitten plush. Truth is that Todoroki had been a big fan of cats ever since he was little, he used to feed one in an ally until his dad found out and... Todoroki shook his head slightly. "Oh, you don't like it?" Deku looked frightened for a moment.

"No no, I-I was just recalling something about my father that's all... I do really love this Deku, thank you so much," Todoroki smiled weakly and took the plush out of the shorter boy's hands.

"Oh okay," Deku smiled, "Has your father come to visit? I never really see him when I'm here..." Todoroki looked at Deku for a moment, the former's eyes were distant and unwavering.

"He hasn't." Todoroki half growled.

"That's horrible! I'm so sorry Todoroki-kun!" Deku wrapped his arms around the taller boy and he clung to him tightly. Todoroki felt warm for once, he felt important for once. Someone cares, Todoroki thought, quite amazed by it. Deku released Todoroki from the hug slightly, but he held onto the taller boy's shoulders. Todoroki looked into Deku's eyes with repressed longing, Deku, for whatever reason, noticed. Deku brought his lips closer to Todoroki's, and then-

SLAP

A/N: Chapter was slightly rushed sorry. also sorry for the cliffhanger, HAHAHAHHA you all hate me. Anyway, I will do my best to get the Halloween special out on Halloween (Wednesday). Hope you enjoyed the chapter :3

Word Count-  791

P.S. 

Currently having trouble with my wifi so the Halloween special and or updates of this and other books may be slowed or, worst case scenario, halted until further notice.