05 August '18
Seo Eunkwang's
I could tell that she's very disappointed now. Disappointed of me who want to let her go. I wanted to let her go for her own happiness. I wanted her to be free. Although, I know I can't live without her.
Hyunjoo just kept quiet along of our date. I tried to talk more but I afraid that I would make her more mad. It is not my intention to let her go. I just think about it. But I know it is hard for me to do that.
Just because for a reason.
"Hyunjoo-ya." I called her as she seems to go out from my car when I sent her home. Our date today is shorter than other dates.
Hyunjoo just looked at me without any expression on her face. Her hand still hold the door's knob. Ready to go out at any time.
I gulped as the words I want to say stuck in my throat. The courage I gained before our date today, totally gone as I saw her. Especially, when she looked so disappointed now.
"If you want a break up, just say it."
Those words hit me so bad. Like I've being shoot by lots of bullet. How can I let her go if I love her so much.
"No- It's not like that!"
"Then?"
I sighed. "Lee Hyunjoo.." I pursed my lips. Why the words I want to say could not let out as what I l've planned?
"Just end it." She said before she went out from my car. I blinked twice. Is this means that we're over?
🎹🎹🎹
"Owh, Eunkwang-ah. You're back."
I just smiled to one of my housemates, Lee Minhyuk. He's the closest friend I had since we're in same age. He's someone that I can talk to about personal and serious things. Someone that I can rely on when I'm having a difficulities.
"Where is Sungjae?" I asked. Sungjae is my other housemate and other one is Changsub who is not only my housemate but my colleague as well since we're both a musical actor.
Minhyuk shrugged. "When I came just now, he's already gone. Maybe go to Changub's musical? He said he wants to watch it."
"You have no practice tonight?" Minhyuk shooked his head.
"Tomorrow?"
"Nope. Our coach let us to rest for three days before our match. Why?"
"Let's drink."
🎹🎹🎹
"You're not telling her yet?!" As I expected, Minhyuk will give this such of reaction.
I wrapped my face with both of my palm. I let out a deep sigh. Why can I tell her the truth? Actually, I afraid to a little thing if I tell her the truth. But before I tell her, my fear already happened.
We're over.
"You just have a few weeks! Don't just left her behind."
"I'm not leaving her behind." I shot back the beer inside a small cup. "I just not ready to tell her that thing."
Minhyuk shooked his head. He gave me an upset looked. "Until you get there, then you'll be ready?"
I looked down. Feeling unreasonable amount of anxiety encrouching upon me. "I'm afraid."
"About?"
"While I'm gone, can she wait for me? What if she gets bored and find someone else? When I comeback, wouldn't it be so heart breaking?" I took another shot of beer.
Hyunjoo is the first one that could stay with me for this long. Sometimes I feel very insecure when I'm with her. She's beautiful and stylish while I just a simple person. Not born with looks or ton of money. Someone like her totally will choose Sungjae or Minhyuk over me. But she chosed me.
Minhyuk let out a sarcastic laugh. "Then you means that you're not believe in her?"
"It's not like that!"
"Yes, it is! How do you know she'll leave you? You should have a faith on her. If she hears you now, she'll be so disappointed."
Minhyuk's words hit me so bad. Realised that I'm the bad person here. Not put a faith on her. Make her disappointed of me because I couldn't tell the real thing. But, my courage to tell her the real thing still not build up.
"She deserves to know that, Eunkwang-ah."
"I don't know how to do." Minhyuk smirked.
"You're just making excuses."
I just keep silence. Minhyuk was right. I'm making excuses. To make myself feels better and not worry anything.
