The path of life

SEVEN

Jason's funeral had changed something in me. It dug a hole inside of me and planted a seed that slowly, but ferociously began to blossom and crack my calm exterior. The moment my foot touched the concrete outside of the funeral home, everything changed. My body felt different, as if weighed down with heavy chains. My mind felt almost non-existent, aside from the constant monologue. The dark grey sky blanketed everything and everyone with sorrow, as if the world itself knew the loss. While my family all went to my aunt Pam's, I chose to go to Kimmy's house instead. After a few days in west palm, my parents decided it was time to go home. Home. What a disgusting word. How could I go "home" to an empty house. With Jason's laughter no longer filling the rooms, everything was coated in hate. My bed became my sanctuary, my pillow became my friend and the world became my enemy.

After a day of laying in bed, playing everything over and over in my head, I got dressed and told my friend Carla I was coming over. I needed an escape, something to take my mind off all of the bullshit. The house was constantly eerily quiet. Hearing nothing but the low hum of a t.v nobody was really watching, I walked to the front door and told my parents where I was going. With a nod and a strained smile, they agreed. Pulling into Carla's drive-way, I sighed as I began to regret even coming here. The thing about Carla is she's one of those girls who does only what benefits her. If she benefits from screwing you over, you can be damn sure she will. Sometimes I enjoyed hanging out with Carla, but I always had to remind myself what lurked behind that fake smile. Smiling as I walked in, she enveloped me in a hug. As I fought the urge to squirm out of her embrace, I smiled at her family. Her younger sister Nicole sat on the couch texting her new boyfriend, sparing me a glance to wave and smile. Nicole was like her sister, but not. She had that side to her, but it didn't eat away at the rest of her personality as her sisters did. Her mom just gave me that sympathetic half smile I had grown to hate.

When carla shut her bedroom door behind us, I sighed and flopped down onto her bed, staring at the ceiling. Things were so complicated, Nothing felt right anymore. Carla smiled and began spewing words I tried to listen to. I just couldnt make myself pay attention. My mind was coiled in on itself, refusing to let anything or anyone in. When I tried to listen to her pointless banter about this new guy shes screwing, my mind would just regurgitate every word she said. Sighing, I sat up.

"So, what are we doing tonight?" I asked her, cutting her off.

Hesitating, she shrugged and grabbed her purse. "I don't know. we'll figure something out." She said as she pulled something out of her purse and set it on her dresser. With her back to me, I heard the distinct crinkling sound of the plastic silifain that a pack of cigarettes is in. Curiosity getting the best of me, I stood and walked over to her.

"What are you doing?" I questioned as my eyes landed on a few white pills on her dressor.

Shrugging she smiled over at me and took out her I.D card. "Well, I'm gunna get fucked up."

After rolling a dollar bill up, she leaned down and snorted both lines. Sniffing and swallowing, she turned back to me.

"You should do one. It'll take your mind off of everything." She said, handing me her I.D.

Hesitating for a second, my mind went into overdrive. All those times I asked Jason to stop doing drugs, all those times I refused to do a drug when offered because I didn't need it. Leaning over the dresser, I crushed the pill with the card, pulled it into two separate lines and took a deep breath. Fuck it. Maybe it will clear my head for a little while. Leaning down, I snorted one line up one nostril, switched the dollar to the opposite nostril and snorted the other line.

A burning sensation trailed from my nose and down my throat. Coughing, I sat on her bed and waited for relief. An adjitating drip began in the back of my throat, causing me to swollow every couple of seconds. I felt my body relax and my brain shut off momentarily. Everytime I felt the drip, I felt my body loosen up a little more. It tasted awful. Sighing in content, I pulled my cigarettes out and lit one up. Watching the smoke trail up and spread across the ceiling, I was transfixed. My mind lingered on nothing but the present and I was grateful. Plopping down next to me, Carla smiled and lit one up too.

"Wanna smoke a bowl?" She asked me.

Shrugging, I nodded my head and continued to watch the smoke gather on her ceiling. The flick of her lighter caught my attention just as the thick, musty smell traveled up my nose. Glancing over, I watched as she blew out a dense cloud of white. With the bowl in one hand and the lighter in the other, I touched the flame to the shrubbery that was packed in. Inhaling, I felt my lungs expand and held my breath until I was on the verge of coughing. Slowly, I let my breath out and smiled at the familiar feeling creeping into my body. After passing the bowl back and forth a few times, my body was completely relaxed and my mind had finally switched off. Lighting up another cigarette, I layed on my back and began watching the smoke gather again.