Better Than I Know Myself

Chapter Five

"It's not that bad aunt Emmy, they will heal and I will be alright." I say, she was never supposed to find out about everything that has happen.

She looks up at me and wraps her arms around me.

"Please don't cry, they don't even hurt anymore."

She lets go of me and cups my face in her hands. "What was going on back home Jesse? What is the real reason your dad wanted to send you here?"

I can't tell her, it will be too much for her to take in; to find out that her sister is a monster and how she enjoyed tormenting me, how it got so bad I tried to take my own life, because as much as I deserve to be treated that way I thought death would be better.

"I can't tell you," I whisper to her.

She lets go of my face and walks out of the room. That can only mean one thing; she is going to call my dad. I walk out of the room and make my way to the living room. She is pacing around with the phone to her ear; I can see her face drop with every word my dad tells her. She stops in the middle of the room and looks at me. She walks over to me and hands the phone to me, then walks out of the room.

"Hi dad, what's up?" I casually say as I stare at the floor.

I don't think anything my dad has to tell me is going to be good news.

"Jess, I'm sorry I told her everything. I even told her you are gay." He sigh, "I know you didn't want her to know what had been going on back home, but I thought it is best if I told her everything."

I say nothing, what can you say? She was bound to find out, but I was hoping it would be after I finished school.

"Your aunt thinks it will be best if..."

And there it is. She doesn't want me here; I should have known she would share the same distaste toward gays just like her dear old sister. Now, I really have no home. I cut him off before he can finish.

"I get it; I guess mom and aunt Emmy do share something in common. So when am I going home or more like military school, since I really don't have a place to call home anymore!" I yell into the phone.

I can feel the tears slip out and roll down my cheeks. I feel someone wipe away my tears and lift my head up. I am staring into my aunt's eyes; they are filled with such sadness. She takes the phone from me and speaks to my dad, then hangs up.

"Jesse, I'm not kicking you out. What your dad was going to say to you is I think it would be best if you talk to me about everything that has been going on. I'm not here to judge you or hate you for what your sexual orientation is. I just want to help you, because what you have been going through hasn't been easy. Nor is it good for you to have to hold everything in, so don't feel like you have to around me. I am nothing like your mother, I care about you and I just want to help you. I know that you blame yourself about what happened to Holly, but you shouldn't."

I am getting tired of people saying that, it is my fault. I am the one who forgot about her that day. Everything that happened to me I deserved it, but I am not going to tell her that right now. I am not in the mood of arguing with her right now. I just want to go back to bed.

"Okay, if that is what you and dad think is best, I will talk to you about everything. Just can we do it some other time? I'm really tired and I want to sleep."

She nods her head and I walk back to the room. I pick up the sheets and pillow off the floor; I change everything and get back into bed. I lay there trying to go back to sleep, but the nightmare and the fact I am going to have to tell aunt Emmy everything has me on edge. There is no way I am going to sleep tonight.