The Secret Affair (Kellin Quinn/Sleeping With Sirens)

Chapter 10 - I'm Sorry, This Time I Can't Hang

The minute those words slipped, I came back. After hours of darkness and fear, I came back. My eyes opened, tears brimming them. But the look on Kellin's face.....I couldn't. How hard will this become? I can't stay. Staying would leave us a mess. Two hearts broken beyond repair. This was impossible, how can I decide to take the right path, when Kellin fogged my mind? We continued to stare into each other's eyes. It had been so long................

It's been months. Nearly a year. And he still came, prepared to take whatever harm you throw at his heart. Which, little did he know, I was going to.

"Brooke......." His voice cracked. I found enough strength to shake my head, and tears slipped.

"How did we get here?" Weakly, Kellin looked up at me as I asked the question no one had an answer for.

"Answering that is admitting defeat..." He sighed, running those fingers threw the hair I once adored.

"Then I have admitted defeat. Because I have a clue of what happened, and I hope, no, I pray to God you understand I am not putting you through my bullshit anymore.." I neglected my heart. This statement changed everything, from Kellin's expression to my eyes. They hardened, both of them. His face and my eyes. Him, for thinking. Me, for holding in those tears.

"Who ever said this was easy?" He whimpered.

"Kellin, no one gave us instructions. Just please............don't make this any harder..." I begged.

"What?! Breaking my heart? You sound like a pro!" Kellin hissed. I took it straight to the heart. Maybe, just maybe, he was right. But then again, maybe, possibly, he would't understand the twist in this story. I am breaking and hurting, too.

"You don't even know....Kellin. Just please, I don't know what else to do!" I screamed. What has gotten into Kellin? I just woke up, I had been dead! He should be agreeing, but asking for one last moment or night. But this wasn't the movies, the fairy tales. This wasn't some fake story you could tell and smile about.

"What do I not know, Brooke?!" Aggravation traced the tone he was using. I got fed up, and huffed as a sign of giving in.

"I don't even know! All I know is me and you?! WE SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPEN!" Even that hurt me. Facing that factor really changed my vision on the situation. 

"You don't mean that..." Kellin was now giving up. He would show he was hurt, because of my poor choice of words. I finally had a good, perfect reason to no longer call him mine.

"See? Kellin, don't you get it? I keep hurting you! And in the process I kill myself a little bit more! We just.............can't.." I cried. Tears had no restraint, maybe Death was inviting.

"I'd rather risk being broken by you and your bittersweet taste than being torn by losing you. That is why I stay, Brooke. I stay because you are worth it, you're worth it all," Now, he was begging. Not directly, but he was using statements saying that he needed me there. But I knew this was for Kellin. So he can stay some rock star living the dream and me being the girl who once had some dream.

"Trust me, sweetie. I'm not," Venom licked my words. Why did I say that? This was the point of no return, this is where it ends. Kellin didn't speak, he just walked away. But took me by surprise as he turned. He was crying, crying his fragile heart out.

"If you're not worth it, and you think you're some waste of time, then I have no life. Because I spent every second thinking of you, and every breath I took in your presence seemed more useful," Kellin gave me a stern look and continued, "I love you Brooklyn Mackenzie, please no you left a permanent mark on me..." Realisation hit again.

But it is always too late when you notice.

That was true. I never noticed quickly enough. Only when I could never repair the damage. Harmony came in the minute Kellin left, but broke down at the sight of me.

"Oh my God! B-Brooke!!" She cried, wrapping her arms around me. But I was numb. Sucked into some black hole that appeared when the presence of the boy I swore I loved, left for good. 

"He's gone," Monotone. That was all I got from this voice that came from me.

"Who?"

"Kellin.....................He left. All because I wanted to make more of a mess," And I sobbed. I didn't care, Harmony didn't either. She just held me, she had lost Chance once upon a time.

"Dear, he can't leave forever," She reassured me. But that was false hope, this time he left me with the goodbye.

"Sooner or later it's over, Harmony. I guess it's over, all too quickly though. Everything's created to be broken, right?" I choked out. Pain glazed her eyes but she kept silent. No gestures, no words.

"Harmony?" I whispered.

"Hmm?" Her voice was rough and raw of tears.

"If something ever happened to me...........Would you make sure Kellin knew? To all expenses?"

"Nothing will happen!" Harmony panicked.

"You never know..." I mumbled.

"But.........I won't lose you......." Her sentence came out barely audible.

"Just.......Promise. Please!" I needed to know if this happened again, Kellin got a goodbye. He was allowed to know. Even when he hated me, he can know when I die.

"I promise." Her voice was bland and void of emotions. I nodded curtly. I wished I could tell the future, so I could know if Harmony would go through such a pain. I also wanted to know my own future, where I go from this. I want to get better. Because something hit me.

I stopped checking under the bed for monsters, because I am the monster.

Short and simple, how do you like it? I am writing two books for now, and this one needed to be updated