better man/worse than nicotine » arthur ketch

twenty-eight: i thought he was a better man.

A/N: The end is really near. I haven't decided if I'll do an epilogue or another chapter as the ending. But regardless, this is going to coincide with the ending of season 12. And the sequel will be set in season 13.

The ride back to the bunker is silent.

Dean plays his music loud enough to fill the silence that Toni and I are providing. There's nothing to talk about when I'm supposedly not myself and Dean is supposedly my brother and Toni supposedly erased my memory, but she can also supposedly fix it, so there's just-

I don't have anything to say. This is all so ridiculous. If she erased my memory, how long would it take for it to come back to me? Wouldn't it have come back when I saw Sam and Dean if they're supposedly my brothers? Or Jody? Or Ketch, for God's sake?

I don't know. None of this makes sense.

Dean slams his hand on the radio, cutting off the music.

I lean back in my seat. "Are you okay...?"

"Do you really not remember anything?" He blurts out.

I shake my head slowly, looking for something to say. "I...I remember...I don't. I'm sorry."

"She won't."

Dean glares at Toni in the rearview mirror. "I didn't ask you."

"But I'm the one who erased her memory," Toni snaps in return. "And she won't remember you. Not from seeing you or hearing you. You are nothing more than a stranger to her."

"You know, I hate it, but she's right."

Dean nearly glares at me.

"I don't know who you are," I cry. "I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror."

Dean doesn't say anything.

I heave out a sigh, leaning my head against the window. "Nothing feels right...or has felt right since I woke up. I didn't like leaving you there in the bunker. I didn't like leaving with Ketch. It didn't feel right drinking with him. It didn't feel right helping out around the compound afterward." I lick my lips, chuckling. "You're a stranger to me, but I think I am too."

I see him look at me, but I don't move. I stay there, leaned against the door with my head on the cool window.

I close my eyes.

+++

"Come on, one more."

"Dean, we've watched three. I've had enough western movies to last me a lifetime."

"That's a lie and you know it. Come on."

"I'm going to bed, Dean."

+++

"Sam! Give the book back!"

"You haven't moved in days! Food, Joy, you need to eat!"

"I'm not hungry!"

"Then you're not reading!"

I jump to try and reach the book, but obviously he's too tall. Damn brothers and their freakish height.

"Fine! I'll eat!"

"Good," Sam smiles. "We need to go grocery shopping. Load up."

+++

"Seriously? You-"

"I'm sixteen! Give me a fucking break!"

"I get it, you're sixteen, but you're a child whether you like it or not!"