better man/worse than nicotine » arthur ketch

twenty-seven: you're not you right now.

By the time I look back to her, she looks like she's seen a ghost. Or worse.

She pats my leg. "Let me give them a call and let them know you're okay. How about you go take a shower?"

I run my fingers through my hair. "That obvious, huh?"

She smiles knowingly. "Showers have always helped you think." She pats my leg one last time before standing, heading into the kitchen.

I take her advice and get in the shower. I find some of my old clothes in the closet, grabbing a new flannel and pair of jeans.

I wash my hair and my body, but nothing feels clean anymore. Nothing feels right anymore. There's something missing. My damn guilty conscience has me thinking about Sam and Dean, feeling bad that I helped Ketch lock them in that bunker...to die. I left them there to die. And they seem to care about me so much. For what reason? I can only think that I must have helped them in a hunt or something, but I would have remembered them clearly. Not in such a haze that I do right now. Like I knew them much deeper than as hunters. But I don't know why.

I step out of the shower and change into my new clothes, putting my hair up in a towel. I stare at myself in the mirror, rubbing my hands across my face.

I don't even recognize myself.

I seriously need a drink. Or something.

Thankfully, Jody has beer in the fridge. I grab one of them, popping the cap off with my teeth. I'm halfway through my second one by the time she comes back inside from calling Sam and Dean.

I don't trust Ketch, not anymore. After he kept essentially trying to keep me locked down the past couple days, I'm growing more and more wary of the guy.

"Sam and Dean should be here any minute. They were already on the way when I called."

I nod, downing the rest of that beer. I place the second bottle next to the first, reaching toward the fridge. My hand is blocked before I can get there, though.

Jody pulls me away from the counter without giving me room to protest. She motions for me to sit down at the table. She joins me a few seconds later, sliding a glass of water my way.

"I see the love of alcohol is still in you," she smirks. "But you don't need to be drunk at three in the afternoon."

I chuckle. "Yeah..." I chew on my bottom lip. "How long have you known Sam and Dean?"

"Joy..." She pauses, grabbing my hand and squeezing it for comfort. "I don't know what happened to you. But Sam and Dean are your brothers. I've known them as long as I've known you, I just know you a little better. You spent three years with me from when you were twelve to when you were fifteen. But Sam and Dean are your brothers. Your name is Joy Winchester."

I blink, her words hovering in the air, but...none are registering in my brain. "I don't..." I shake my head. "I feel like I know them. Like I helped them on a hunt, but you're telling me they're my brothers?" I take a deep breath. "And then, this house, I remember living here. For a long time. But it doesn't...it doesn't feel like a home. Like I thought it did."

She frowns. "I'm sorry." She pauses, furrowing her eyebrows. "You're saying you were caught by a Djinn?"

I nod. "I think...that's what they told me – the British Men of Letters."

Her eyes widen. "You did say that..."

"Jody?"

Our heads turn toward the sound.

"Jody!"

"In here!" She calls, looking back at me softly. "We're going to fix this."

"Jody, hey, she—" Sam pauses, staring at me for a moment. "Joy, you're—"

"A little tipsy," I admit, standing from the chair. "I'm apparently your sister. Nice to meet you, I guess?"

Dean looks to Jody. "Have you filled her in?"

"Kind of. She said she was attacked by a Djinn, and they saved her."

The look on Dean's face is almost lethal. "They've fucking brainwashed her. Wiped her memory." He turns to me. "How old are you?"

I give him a strange look. "Seventeen, Jesus, are you okay?"

His face immediately falls, along with everyone else's. The three of them share a look that hardly seems like it has any good news within it.

"What's going on?" I finally ask.

Dean nods to Sam. "Go get her out of the car." Sam nods in return, taking the keys and going outside. Then Dean looks back at me. "You're not seventeen. You're twenty-three."

"Twenty-three?" I nearly lose my balance. "You're not serious."

But all Dean does is nod. "I'm serious."

"Don't you think I'd know if I was six years off!"

"I think the problem here is you're brainwashed!" Dean yells. "And we're going to try to fix it, but this isn't going to work if you can't accept that you're not you right now!"

"Dean."

"What?" He snaps.

Jody raises her eyebrows. "Calm down. This isn't going to work if you don't calm down."

Instead of responding with some sarcastic remark, Dean takes a deep breath and nods, staying quiet. I take that as my cue to also keep my mouth shut.

Sam returns a second later with a handcuffed Toni Bevell.

"You're supposed to be dead."

"And you're supposed to be back at the compound," Toni retorts.

"Enough," Sam interrupts, nudging Toni's shoulder.

"Alright. You said you could fix her, so..." Dean gestures toward me. "Fix her."

"Well, I can't."

"You said you could."

"I lied," Toni replies harshly. "You were about to kill me. But I can't fix this."

Sam pinches the bridge of his nose. "What exactly did you do?"

Toni turns to me. "Joy. What do you remember?"

I look to Jody for help, but all she does is urge me to answer her. "I remember waking up at the compound. They told me a Djinn had attacked me and...Arthur Ketch saved me in the nick of time. I remember meeting him before in a diner but leaving town. I..." I glance around at Jody's home. "I remember living here...being raised here. But Jody tells me I only lived with her for three years." I take a deep breath. "And I remember my age as seventeen, but apparently I'm twenty-three. My name is also apparently Joy Winchester," I pause, Winchester rolling off of my tongue so easily, "but I don't remember a last name."

Toni gestures to me before looking at Sam and Dean. "I cannot fix an erased memory."

"Can you reverse it?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Sam glances at me before turning to Toni. "Can you reverse it."

"I would need my equipment, and it's all at the compound where everyone assumes I am dead—"

"Can you. Reverse it."

Toni sighs. "Yes. With the right equipment, I should be able to try something to reverse it."

"There should be something in the bunker," Sam offers.

Dean nods. "I'll take them." He grabs Toni by the arm, taking the keys back from Sam.

"I'd suggest you run," Toni says, shaking herself out of Dean's grip. "This will not stop. The Men of Letters are going to hunt you down and kill you."

"Not if we kill them first," Sam replies with a tight smile. "Jody is it okay if we get everyone here first?"

She nods. "I'll start making calls." She pauses, glancing at me sadly. "Go with Dean. We're going to fix this."

I take a deep breath and nod, giving her one last hug before I head out with Dean and Toni Bevell...who can supposedly fix whatever is happening in my brain.