Forbidden (Punk Luke Hemmings)

forty

Hearing his voice for the first time in 3 months made me want to cry even more. My breath hitched in my throat and I found myself fisting the the hem of his shirt even tighter.

I found my violent sobs gradually coming to a halt, and all that could be heard was the wind whistling around us, and the sounds of us breathing.

Once my breaths had finally evened out, he took the initiative to pull slightly out of the embrace and look me in the eyes.

I stared deeply into the electric blue eyes I had fallen so endlessly in love with, and I never wanted to let go.

“Should we go inside?” he asked softly.

I nodded, not finding enough strength within me to speak.

We pulled completely away from the embrace, as we walked inside I heard him shut the front door behind me and lock it. 

We continued walking, him slightly behind me as I lead him into my room. Seeing him made me completely forget about all the mess I had made.

As we set foot in the room, I found my eyes start to well up with tears again.

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry, let’s clean this up, okay?” he said. Hearing his voice made the tears threatening to escape leave at once. 

Again, I nodded. I didn’t trust my voice in my vulnerable state. 

I sensed his presence leave the room, so I carefully stepped across the floor and sat on my bed.

He came back with a dust pan and a few cloths.

I watched observantly as he cleaned up all of the mess. Any other time, I’d be down on the floor, helping him, but I couldn’t find it within me to stand up. My body had gone from hyperventilating to being completely numb and useless. I was shocked, and confused. There were so many emotions I was feeling all at once and I didn’t know where to begin with myself. 

He had left the room again to place the shattered mug pieces in the bin and get rid of the dirty cloths, before coming back and sitting across from me on the bed.

We were both sitting cross legged, and our knees were touching. The feeling of his skin against mine sent shivers down my spine.

It was silent for a very long time. I guess that neither of us knew where to fucking start. I mean, who would? What are you even supposed to say when you’re in a situation like this?
I knew he wanted to say something, as he kept looking up from his fingers and stealing glances at me, opening his mouth to say something before shutting it again and looking back down.

I figured he was a little scared to initiate the conversation, so I did it for him.

I looked up from my own fingers and to him.

“I missed you” I spoke so quietly, I only just heard it myself.

I knew that he had heard it though, because he looked up too, meeting my eyes.

“I missed you too. So fucking much” he responded.

“How was it? Rehab, I mean” I stammered.

“It was good.. I met some really great people. I’m a lot better now, and not just with the addiction… With everything, I’ve learnt to handle my anger and yeah, I’ve learnt a lot about myself. And well, I saw my parents today. They’re back in my life.” he said.

My eyes widened at the mention of his parents. I knew that they were always a real touchy subject for him, we never really spoke about them or what had happened, I never wanted to push it because I didn’t want him being upset. Yet I didn’t need to know anything at all to know that letting them back in his life was a big fucking step for him. And God, was I fucking proud.