Saviour: Adopted by Black Veil Brides

the outsider

You may think I'm normal, if you think normal is having more than one mental illness and severe suffering throughout the life I live, then you are absolutely insane.

You are terribly mistaken and misunderstood.

No, I'm not an orphan, well at least not yet.

I'm not gonna bore you with what hobbies I don't have, or what my favourite bands are etc.

No, I'm not an emo or a goth, I just like the "emo" types of music.

I live with my mum, who is a total witch.

Sometimes she can be nice, if she isn't on drugs or alcohol. Which is rare now.

She brings home a different man every day, the motto of it all; drugs, fuck, men.

After 3 years you gradually become accustomed to it. Well I did anyway. Didn't really have a choice.

All you really need to know is that I'm a 16 year old girl, my dad left when I was 13, cause my mum was cheating on him right in front of his face.

I miss him. It's hard not too.

He is still alive, I think.

My mother blames me for him leaving even though I didn't do anything wrong. She always has done and probably always will do.

I dropped out of high school just over 2 months ago, when my mothers horrible abuse to me was too noticeable.

Made people question everything about what goes on behind closed doors.

And my answer?

Was always for me to know and them to find out.

When you are abused, you try and keep it just to some peoples knowledge. Not wanting everyone to know.

The dumb, abused girl.

Fuck I don't want your guilt.

I'd rather have sex with a goat than tell anyone about what happens to me.

I have to tell myself shit happens.

And shit has happened for a long time.

I still take some online classes though, luckily for me I have good grades so when it comes to it I can leave this god awful place and have a good life.

I take online classes because I spent all day in my room. Well mostly anyway, my mother would never allow it if I went outside anymore.

So I sit in my room; play on my phone, keep up with the people who I used to be friends with.

I have always wondered why I get the abuse, its not like I deserve it or anything. Because if you think about, its my mothers fault for the way things are.

I used to have a part time job at a local corner shop, so I could earn money and pay for things I needed. But after a while when I stopped showing up at school, people just thought it was weird if I was seen at a shop working.

So my mother thought it would be a good idea for when I was in school she would go in, without my consent, and say I quit.

It's not the fact that my mother told them I quit, I actually was planning on quitting for a long time. But I wanted to see their faces when I gave them this big ass speech and all the big shabang.

Ah, I missed it though.

Now here's where it gets rough, I had a previous addiction to harming myself. God I hate the word 'self harm' goes right through me. Ugh literally.