Jerusalem

Chapter 23 (God, I love you)

     I never used to be cautious but since the first time I saw you, I started being cautious. I always took risks but with you I just can't . I can't risk you. I want to spend every minute of every day with you but I don't want to break your heart. You are so beautiful , I never get tired of looking at you. You are funny without ever being mean. If I can only tell you who you are to me. If I can tell you that I want to let go of all the worry and the fear I but I can only be protective around you, even if that means that I protect you from myself.

Youssef looked at his phone and found her text:

"So?"

"So?"he texted her back

"...."

"Let's go watch a movie"

"Well... I'm free tomorrow "

"No, I meant now"

"Now!!!"

"Why not? I'm not a serial killer. Trust me"

"Why I find that highly unconvincing ?"

"Because I may be a serial killer"

"Let's go watch a movie then. I don't want to make a serial killer angry"

"Exactly. I'll come and pick you up"

"Okay"

"Okay"

At the cinema, they bought pop corn and splash. They watched a political movie ( Youssef's choice ).

"So, what do you think?"he asked

"I think that you like the movie"

"And you don't?"

"I do. I like it. It's just a guy thing"

"It's a soldier thing"

"It's a Youssef thing"

"I told you to choose"

"You did"

"Fine. Why don't you pick this time? What do you want us to do?"

"I... Reading. I mean why don't we read the same book"

"Name one"

"Mercy by Jodi picoult. It's one of my favorite books"

"Okay... What's it about?"

"Killing"

"Killing ... and I thought that killing is a guy thing"

"It's not like that. It's about mercy killing. You know when someone is so sick and he can't bare the pain anymore. He begs that someone, anyone comfort him and take his life. He just wants to die."

"I.. will read this horrible book which doesn't have politics or war or fighting or even zombies . And .. In exchange you will read a book of my choice"

"About what?"

"Engineering"

"Deal"she said and they shook each other's hands.

All week the two of them read . He came by the house and she came by the army base. They went on picnics and listened to songs. They talked about everything.

They didn't put a name on their relationship. They didn't need to. They had each other and that's what matters.

One day, at the park, the two of them laid down on the grass. They kept their eyes on each other.

"Why? Why are you not telling me about the book?"she asked

"I want to. But I'm waiting till I form a coherent thought about it."

"Fine then. Can I ask you for something?"

"Anything"

"Read for me."she said handing him the book( the science of Engineering) . He took the book from her and opened it where the book mark lies and started reading.

His voice was deep and calm. The kind of voice you hear telling stories in a program. Mariam thought about life, real life. Life is not like books or movies . It's not full of scenes( first meeting - first date - rain scene - fight scene - family scene - love scene - end scene ) It's every minute of every day . It's living the days of your life feeling lost , sometimes bored, sometimes losing hope and other times busy with chasing your dreams. And the only thing that can give you a glimpse of living in a fairy tale is love. And that's the only thing that gives you unreasonable happiness. And everything around you starts making sense.

Mariam fell in love with him, the way you fall asleep, slowly and then at once.

"What are you thinking about?"he asked closing the book.

"You"

"Me"

"Yes. You know, you always say that you don't deserve me. That you don't want to break my heart. That you are bad for me. Let's say I agree . Let's say you are bad for me and you are going to break my heart. Well.... Break it. You don't have a choice wether you get hurt in this world or not. You only have a choice on who gets to hurt you. And I choose you. If someone is going to break my heart, I want it to be you"

"Mariam.... Thank God you exist"

They sat together on a bench . She put her legs on his leg as if sitting on his legs. Her eyes were full of tears. He held her close and kissed her. "God, I love you" he thought.