Don't Fear The Reaper

Danielle

"Be honest then." I say.

"I'm surprised I didn't do it again. I had a lot of chances and after that first time, I felt like I needed it."

"You made a promise. You kept it." I scoot over to him and take his hand. "You should be proud of yourself."

He sighs and doesn't say anything for a minute, clearly contemplating some things. I don't say anything either, I let him think and he speaks up. "This is the part of the story I don't want to tell you. All that shit about myself, it's messy but it's not hard to talk about." He hesitates. "Danielle... she was everything to Josh. He could be in the worst mood and then she'd walk in and he'd just light up, like nothing was ever wrong. We graduated and that summer he proposed, she said yes, they set a date. They were really happy. The way he loved her, I've never seen anything comparable." A pained expression falls over his face. "I loved her, she was my sister, one of my best friends." He looks at me then back at his hands. "I sold her heroin, only a few times. She tried it at a party and then asked me for more. I should've said no but I was young and all I could think about was money, so I did it. Everything happened so fast after that. Her addiction got bad, I stopped selling to her but she found it through someone else. I tried to get her some help, Josh did too. He blamed me for it but he never said anything. He didn't have to, it was in his eyes every time he looked at me. It had been maybe two weeks since the first time I sold to her when she overdosed." He takes a deep breath. "Josh found her in their apartment, lying on the couch with the needle still sticking out of her arm. She was dead, had been for a couple of hours. I can't imagine what that was like."

My heart feels heavy, like someone just dropped a ton of bricks on it. I want to say something, I want to comfort him but I don't know how, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Instead I squeeze his hand, just trying to let him know that I'm here for him.

"That's when shit really hit the fan." He continues. "Josh wouldn't let me go to her funeral. He said if I showed up he would personally dose me with heroin until I died, just like she did. I didn't even argue, I had no right being there anyways. It didn't take long for him to completely stop talking to me and after maybe a month he moved out of state. The last time we saw each other must've been five or six years ago and it wasn't exactly the kind of thing you look back on with happiness. The last words he said to me were 'I hate you and I never, ever want to see you again'. And he hasn't, so I guess he got his wish."

"That's awful." I whisper.

"Yeah, it is." He agrees. "But I deserved it and everything else that happened afterwards. My parents don't talk to me, don't invite me to Christmas, Thanksgiving, you name it. They kicked me out so I moved in with Joe. Sam hates me but at least he still talks to me.  All I really have left is the club."

"And me."

"And you." He kisses my hand. "For some reason."

"Tell me how you broke your ribs." I think back to our night at the bar. "And who were you running from when you crashed your bike?"

"I was running from Disciples, per usual. The ribs, that was all Sammy."

"Sam?" I ask surprised. "Really?"

"It was the night Danielle died. I went home after drinking a 40 ounce and taking some shots. Well, a lot of shots. I was really drunk and as soon as I walked in it was a shit storm. Everyone was angry at me, yelling and screaming. My mom, I'd never seen her look at someone the way she looked at me. I'd never seen that kind of sadness in her eyes before. She told me to pack my stuff and get out. I fought back, I was stupid. I called her a lot of nasty things and Sam beat my ass, rightfully so. He pushed me into the corner of a table or something, I honestly don't remember. I broke three ribs on my left side. Sam called Joe, he came and got me. I woke up the next day in the hospital with about a million missed calls and a message from my dad telling me him and Sam packed all my things. Joe insisted I stay with him, he sent some of the guys from the club to go get my stuff."