☆ [ Untrue ] ☆ P.Jm OS

u n t r u e

                                 -💭-

They said I had problems. That I talk to myself.
They said I'm too weird to be normal. That i have strange habits.
They left me either alone or surrounded me. Mocking, insulting, bashing, harassing me.
'You give us bad luck.'
'You are not needed'
'Even your parents left you'
'Why do you exist, go die'
'Don't you see? You give us a bad reputation'
'What a waste..'

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They got me. I sat beside my window and looked at the sky. No longer going to that building called school. But rather to the dirty white walled building apparently called sanitarium. Hah. Who took me here? Well I don't know. I woke up one morning and found 2 doctors at my door. I needed help they said. I went along 'cause after all I'm not normal, right?
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.j i m i n.
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Me talking to myself or rather to someone that doesn't exist proves what they say of me.
But you insist into coming to me. Haunting my dreams. Or rather taking over my few hours of sleep and making me live in utopia. With you. But who are you? Who am I?
Are you real? They said no. After some hours of thinking- staring at the grey sky- I decided to tell the doctors about you. They smiled and told me it's illusion. They'll help me get rid of it. Help me get normal. But why do I feel uneasy about you disappearing?
You won't leave me, will you?
Not like the others!
You are different.
You held my hands in your warm ones,
Sang for me in a whisper as if you were worried you'd frighten me,
Traced every inch of my face, going from my eyes to my lips,
But then when I'd wake up, in my freezing body, looking around at my supposed room all I see is loneliness, a suffocating vibe taking me away from my euphoria.
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.J i m i n.
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You're my liberation and imprisonment.
You are my blissful escape yet you keep me miserably trapped.
You showed me how perfectly sane I am but then you proved me how insane I can be.
Why do you need to make it harder?
Do you really care for me?
Or.. you just want someone to laugh at?
I mean, everyone did that.
Everyone got close to me in order to destroy me.
But do I consider you as 'everyone'?
I'm afraid I don't have an answer.
I'm stuck between I need you and I wish you'd leave me alone.
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.j i m i n.
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I didn't sleep for 2 days. I needed to make a decision. They told me so.
Do I want to let them 'help' me?
Because every time I have a session with them I don't cooperate.
They seem somewhat angry and tired of me.
It's important for my heath they said.
So, I stared at the sky for hours.
Seeing it change from the immaculate white clouds wandering in the azure to a dark painting tainted with a few bright celestial bodies.
Wondering what I should do about you.
Keep you and be remembered as that haunted boy,
Or,
Leave you and live a 'normal' life?
Maybe, just Maybe, I really want to know how it is to live as others.
My heart was beating fast.
I don't know if it's right.
Nothing seems right anyways.
After drinking my sleeping pills I dozed off and slept with the window open, letting the cold breeze envelop me.
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- - - - -
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Y-you didn't come. Not this time. You left before I left you. Or did you leave because you knew I'd leave? Did you do it for yourself or for me so that I can live as a 'normal' boy?
I'm shaking, not from the cold- that my body is feeling making it have goosebumps- but because of you. You shake me up. All of me. I wonder how my heart bears all you're making it go through.
And so my doubts came back. You were not real after all, Right? Since I convinced myself that I wanted you gone you left.. but
Where did this tear come from? I'm not crying but my fingers wiped it off my cheeks. It's so warm...
You're real after all.
I hurt you?
All you did was be by my side, help me and comfort me.
You gave me
Soft touches -'I'm with you'-
it felt like.
And all I did was chase you.
I'm so sorry
I really I am
Please come back
Please ..
Caress my hair again
Break my heart into pieces
If youd like to
Don't leave me oh no don't
My hands are shaking,,
N-no I can't without you
I need you
Come back to me
I'm willing to be remembered as the haunted boy just please ,,, please I'm pleading you to come again
To take me back to your soft embrace
My heart is beating too fast
I'm feeling dizzy
Everything's a blur
You can't go
Not like that
I need to tell you I'm sorry
I love you
Yes I do.
'LET ME GO' the doctors are coming to get me
Don't let them
Please
They are taking me
Come save me.
I'm so tired
I feel my body giving up on me
But my tears won't stop
My vision is distorted
I can't bear your loss
No no no no
It's too much pain
My chest hurts
So much
 

                       
J i m i n

[ you idiot, you thought I'd leave you? I can't, I'm too attached to you. I saved you? It's the contrary, my sweet boy, you saved me. You gave me life, made me real. You believed in me. I need you just as much as you need me. I made a big mistake by thinking you'd be better off without me. You are not and neither am I. So here I am. To take you. Don't be scared, alright? Let yourself be. I'll take your heart and thus our souls are gonna intertwine. Till eternity. I love you ]
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'What a sad life'
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- Little did they know that Jimin has found his serendipity.-

-💭-