(sigh)(blink twice)
So apparently there is something worse than a unicorn.
Let me repeat; THERE IS SOMETHING IN THIS MOTHERF*CKING WORLD WORSE THAN A UNICORN.
They're called gryphons, I know, weird. They are these half eagle half lion. We have been discovering traces of them since 3100 BR, before Ragnarok, and we had a general idea of what they would look like. I'll actually just put a picture in so I can avoid descriptions.
So you see it up top? Yeah, that's what we thought a gryphon would look like.
Well, instead of being blunt and saying we were wrong, I'll just say this, this morning, at 8:00 AM, I believe, I received a message saying something along the lines of this:
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EMERGENCY ALERTS
PETMA Alert
After several years of searching, we have finally located the unique species going by the name 'Gryphon'. Unfortunately, our earliest and slightly recent assumptions on the appearance of the gryphon was incorrect. We nonetheless expect of you to treat them just as you would treat any other mythological creature which is protected by our organization. Any mistreatment can and will lead to legal punishments (evictions, involuntary separation of ones job, law suits, etc). Thank you for reading and understanding our alert, goodbye.
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In case you don't understand what that message meant to tell you, it is saying that gryphons don't look like what we believed that they did since before the renaissance.
No(annoyed laugh) oh no, you want to know what they look like? Huh?
Well, you see that majestic creature at the top of this paper, well, they don't look like that. NOPE, THEY HAVE LION HEADS AND eAgLe BoDiEs. THAT MEANS THESE CREATURES CAN NOT ONLY EAT YOUR HAND OFF WITH THEIR BIG A** HEADS, THEY CAN ALSO F*CKING FLY.
TODAY WAS MY FIRST DAY WORKING AS A JANITOR AND FOR ONCE EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE GOING RIGHT. (inhale)
I came back from my lunch break to clean up the foyer of a hotel I'm starting to work at. I expected things to be the same as they were when I left them. I was wrong, as you have probably guessed.
So yeah, when I walked in there, THERE WAS GRYPHON SH*T E V E R Y W H E R E.
To say at the least, I'm quitting my job today, maybe I can be something cool, like a security guard, but there is no way in Hades that I am going to work as a janitor again.
YOU ARE READING
Of Course it had to be a Unicorn.
RandomFor a school assignment, I was required to create a monologue. Instead of making just one, I made two, amazing right. Well, this is the second one. It is an external monologue, so expect the speaker to refer to you as you read.
