What's up guys, this chapter gives insight into the main character's life and yes I know I haven't mentioned her name yet but just you wait. The plot gets more interesting as we go on.
Im sitting in the car blanking out my uncle yelling at me whilst driving for yet another mistake i've made, God im such a screw up.
Its happening again. (frustrated) The fuck is wrong with me? I need a break, for God sake would you leave me alone? Im screaming inside and crying on the outside yet I cant seem to control you or it or whatever.
Ok so im kinda fine now, two minutes ago I was in the past. I was screaming for help on the inside, im going crazy I just know it. Im in a place where I cant even explain myself. I would have a full on panic attack and no one would know unless they are familiar with people who do and where im from that's not alot of people.
Two minutes ago: What the fuck do you mean im lying (oh great water is in my eyes again, just freaking great)
( flashback, I always get flashbacks when people yell at me) he's always touching on me at night's while your right there in the other room (God I hate my eyes, stop flooding my face with tears, why are you so weak? You must be defective arrrh)
Another memory comes rushing back. Why doesn't she protect me? Isn't she supposed to be my mom? God im so fed up, whenever im in school I pray to get home when Im at home I wanna run away arrrrr my only safe heaven is under the maple tree close to the park where I get to talk to Ruffeous his real name is Mark but that's boring isn't it? He is a middle aged man who lost everything. His wife left because he liked to have his taste of women leaving him with his two boys who were taken away by social services because they set his house on fire after being left alone at home. So now Ruffieous is a homeless man and my only friend.
To be continued....
Im back
*She glares out the window while tears run down her face, silently crying, alone.*
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That's me most days. What are my triggers? I guess I don't really have any Oh wait, im easily triggered when my uncle expects more of me than im actually capable of, its like he forgets im stupid sometimes and that frustrates me, like really frustrates me and I end up screaming inside and whispering to myself "you can do it you idiot, you can do it, no tears, ok stop stop stop, just breathe" breathing in and out dosnt work but it helps to try, I know he needs me so here I am putting other people first AGAIN.
Mmmmmm what more can I say about myself "idiot, stupid" my most popular names, I can tell he enjoys calling me anything he thinks will hurt me but what makes me cry the most is "I don't know why you cant understand simple things what is wrong with you, what's bothering you, why is it that you cant understand a simple instruction" I hate myself more and more everytime I hear these questions (God I hate my eyes right now)
I've gotten so good at crying in silence that its one of my best traits, like seriously no one would ever know unless I let them see (like right now) I miss my old diary, I miss my (whatever you wanna call him), I don't even know what to say now, my mind keeps racing so I know I'll be back to writing soon.
Yours sincerely Just Some Element
So how was it? Dying to get some feedback from my readers because of course without you this book is nothing.
Taking the time out to show some apreation to the awesome writers who inspired me without even knowing it. Reading your books have thought me so much and although I have so many unfinished books I've started so many time and stopped I decided to have a go at it again but this one hopefully will fuel my fire and kick me up on the horse again.
