When We Were Young - George Daniel

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE (love)

I let my head fall backwards and I stared at the ceiling, breathing deeply. George's feet shuffled around on my carpet and I could tell he was now sitting.

"It really fucking killed me that he took your virginity."

I looked at him. God he looked sad sat on my bed like that. He was always so sad lately.

"Did you not think that it was you who I wanted to do that with for the first time? Of all the times I had gone through it in my mind. How it would go, where it would happen. How it would feel when you made me feel that way," I explained. "I had thought about it so many times George," I leant forward. "I even touched myself to the thought of you doing those things to me, to the thought of that moment between us."

I wasn't embarrassed. He needed to know the truth and I was beyond ready to let him know.

"You never let me explain myself. Ever! Even back that night in the closet you left before I could even tell you the truth, how it really was! You create all these ideas in your mind and they consume you and control the way that you behave."

He looked so cute sitting there listening to every word I said. I wanted to crawl up onto his lap and let him have me, but I needed to finish what I was saying before I did anything like that.

"I know that it kills you that Matty was the one to make me feel like that first and I understand that, I really do. But you have to understand what kills me! What kills me is the fact that you make another girl, a girl I don't even know, feel that way. That she gets you in a way I've never had you. I'm so fucking jealous!" I groaned. 

"She'll never have me like you do, Evie," his deep voice spoke.

"Then why are you with her?"

I was desperate for him to tell me that he'd left her, that he'd leave her especially now I'd ended things with Matty.

"She's nice to me. She's constant. I know that when I see her she'll be the same with me that she was the last time. I don't get that from you. You change so violently day to day that it wears me out."

I was taken aback by his confession.

But it kept coming and fuck, I wasn't ready.

"You feel everything so deeply, Evie. It is such a beautiful thing to witness it truly is. But to be on the receiving end when you have that hate running through you is tiring and since you've been back that's all I've received from you."

He looked down at his hands in his lap.

"I'm gonna stay with Jessie. It's only been six months and I think she deserves more than that," he looked over at me sheepishly. "But before you say anything and get all mad at me like you always do there's something I need you to know."

I nodded, encouraging him to go on.

"I'm not going to marry her Evie, that isn't what's happening here. She's just a girl that makes me happy right now, who made me happy when I was so broken over you. Let me have this time with her, however long that may be."

I smiled. It wasn't what I totally wanted him to say, but it was alright.

"I'm so furiously in love with you Genevieve," he smirked, coming off the bed and over to me on the floor. "Everything about you makes me fucking mental," he brushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead. "But you understand why I'm doing this, don't you?"

His eyes begged for my understanding.

"I do, George."

"Good. That's all I need you to do right now."