If Only She Knew

How it started (Intro)

Dear Diary,
I never really remember these things.. Hell I barely remember anything for that matter. It feels as if my life only started a couple years ago, however in all honesty, I'm already tired of it. Anything before that is a messy blur.
I have a bad memory pop up here and there; sometimes it's not even the memory, but more of the feeling.
I recently started to wondering, what happened to me? I used to be this nice, happy, little girl.
Maybe I'm asking the wrong question here..
What happened to her?
I probably couldn't answer that either.
- Violet

...

Tears started to fill my eyes. After closing my door, I glared at the reflection in the mirror. "Why are you like this?" I hiss at it.
My anger then turns into more tears that pour down my rosy cheeks. The saltiness of my pain reaches my tongue; which brings back more memories of me sitting in the corner of my room crying.
How many more times do I have to go through this? Why can't it just end?
Sitting on my bed I try to be quiet, I don't want somebody hearing me like this again.
"Deep breathe Violet," I choke out, "it's ok, you're ok. Shhh."
I fight back more tears, a larger lump forming in my throat. I begged that nobody would hear me or come in.
"Breathe... in... and out..."
Curling up on my bed, I face the wall. I close my eyes and repeatedly tell myself, "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay..."
Sleep soon swallowed me up.

...

"I need to talk to you."
"What is it Violet? You know I'm always here for you."
"I...I love you."
"There is no such thing, you said so yourself."
I was confused, I didn't mean to be saying these things, did I even feel love?
My phone buzzed in my pocket and he just disappeared.
"Violet? Where the fuck are you? I've called you like ten times. Hurry home, moms dying."
The words came out fast, with no emotion in them.
What is going on? I asked myself.
Then it all hit me and suddenly was on the floor. I felt my stomach clench and I couldn't breathe. I can't breathe. WHY CAN'T I BREATHE?
My worry all of a sudden vanished and I was just laying there on the concrete, calm.
"Hey, are you okay?"
I looked up at who it was that was talking to me.
"Beep," was my response.
"Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep..."

My eyes shot open and I didn't know where I was. My throat felt dry and my head was throbbing. What the hell? I thought.
It took me a few seconds and then I realized that my alarm had been going on. I reached my arm out from under my covers and I instantly fell goosebumps form on my uncovered skin.
Great, I thought, it's motherfucking Monday.